This blog is in response to Rocky Road's entry, He Will Never Stop

One severe, never before given, A$$ Beating!

That’s what it takes for some of these delusional Daddies-in-Denial to finally wake up and change.

Only A$$ Beatings...

Because they live by this personal, twisted philosophy: if it’s not happening to me, it’s not relevant. So, they bury their heads in the sand, refusing to deal with the reality right in front of them, pretending it doesn’t exist until it’s too late. You might ask me; how do I know?

I’ve been dealing with the skids' disrespect for a long time, and how did DH handle it?

He always gave them a lecture. No consequences, no real discipline—just a firm talk. Talk is cheap and useless.

DH: "Okay, little Johnny, now you know you aren’t supposed to do that. Now, hold out your wrist. I’m going to strike it with this wet noodle. There, take that… and that."

It was all so pointless. They didn’t respect him, and why would they? A lecture without consequences is just noise and DH’s half-hearted attempts at discipline were more of a joke than a lesson.

And these skids? They’re the type who can easily endure a boring lecture. They zoned out, daydreaming and wishing the old windbag would end it already, while DH rambled on, just waiting for it to be over so they could go right back to their usual behavior, no lessons learned, and nothing changed.

Seeing the reality—that he was a piss-poor parent and that his crotch droppings weren’t going to change—DH shifted the blame onto me. He went full D.A.R.V.O., turning the tables so I became the problem, not his "innocent" whittle babies. Instead of addressing their behavior, he denied, attacked, and reversed the victim and offender roles, making it seem like I was the issue all along.

So, I disengaged and stopped being the buffer between him and his toxic crotch droppings. He didn’t like it. Since he couldn’t control them, he tried to control me instead. He wanted me to attend, hold his hand, and go with him to school events because he knew the skids preferred their mother over him. I didn’t want to enable that behavior. If he was going to keep putting himself in situations where he was ignored or abused by toxic people, that was on him. I wasn’t about to participate in the dysfunction any longer. 

I believe that my DH and his kids must maintain their relationship on their own. If they can’t do that, then that’s on them. I’m not the glue that holds it all together. DH had to learn the hard way that DH + Stepmom + Kids does not, and cannot, equal the first failed family 2.0. It’s not my job to fix or recreate what was broken before I even got here.

If DH can’t attend an event where members of his first failed family don’t treat him with civility and respect, then that’s his problem alone to fix.  He needs to handle the dysfunction on his own terms, without dragging me into it.

As a third party, because I don’t have rose-colored bio-glasses on, I saw a lot more about the skids' behavior than he did. I could’ve given DH good advice, but he shut me down and refused to listen. Now, that’s on him. He had the opportunity to see things from a clearer perspective, but he chose not to.

 So, when Crazy BM started her PAS campaign against him again, he did exactly what he always does—he got emotional and started lecturing YSD about her BM and siblings as if that was ever going to solve anything. Same old routine, and he just couldn't see it wasn't working; it was just helping the PAS process.

You see, the Crazy BM sent DH an email (not using OFW, which should have been the first red flag), but DH ignored that. The second red flag? She asked for money for OSD’s college. Mind you, Crazy BM has been funding OSD’s "extended high school stay," majoring in OnlyFans and Social Influencing—I mean, her so-called college career. DH hasn’t been paying a dime because OSD isn’t serious about getting an education, all she’s interested in is her college brothel, I mean sorority, and she’s been estranged from him since she was 14.

In the background, Crazy BM was pulling the same PAS tricks on YSD that she had already perfected on OSD:

BM: "So, you want to have a fling with this low-life man-child, YSD? Well, you know your father won’t like it. But if you go out with him, it’ll be our little secret."

YSD: "Great, Mom! What do you want in return?"

BM, with a sly smile: "Oh, nothing, dear. I just want your happiness. And... could you hate your father a little more for me?"

It was the same manipulative game, expertly played to turn YSD against DH, just as she had done with OSD.

Crazy BM knew exactly what she was doing, though when she was spinning stories about how "abusive" DH had been to her and OSD, convincing YSD that she was a victim too.

She knew that sending that email requesting college money would light a fire under DH and that he’d rage about it with YSD. And, of course, DH didn’t disappoint—he went on one of his typical rants with YSD about the email.

At the same time, things escalated when DH discovered YSD sneaking around with this low-life man-child. For once, DH did something he hadn’t done often enough in the past—he gave YSD consequences. He took her phone away.

That one action played right into Crazy BM's hands, though. It only fueled the narrative she’d been building, painting DH as the controlling, unreasonable, abusive, and restrictive parent, making it easier for YSD to buy into her mother’s toxic influence.

Looking back on it, if DH had been giving these skids consequences all along, it wouldn’t have "traumatized" them when they finally did face one. Consistent discipline might have helped them understand boundaries and responsibility, instead of making it feel like a sudden, unjust punishment when it eventually happened. Instead, by avoiding consequences for so long, DH set the stage for chaos when he finally put his foot down.

So, when DH blew up at YSD over the email and took YSD’s phone away, these actions became the final push YSD needed to fully embrace the role of the "abused child." She jumped ship and fully committed to Team Crazy BM. It was like watching a slow-motion train wreck that could’ve been avoided if DH had just handled things differently. Instead of diffusing the situation, he played right into Crazy BM’s hands.

Under Crazy BM’s manipulation, YSD secretly recorded DH during one of his lectures and has been playing it for anyone willing to listen. DH wasn’t abusing anyone – he was simply telling the truth about BM and OSD. When Crazy heard the tape, she went ballistic because DH was telling the truth about her and OSD.

For revenge, Crazy BM called child protective services on DH, forcing me to sit down with an inspector for three hours to explain what happened. Crazy BM claimed that YSD had been "cutting" her arm because DH ‘stressed her out’ and that she had been cutting while she was over here.

The irony was, on the day YSD left our home, she was wearing short shorts, a sports bra, and tennis shoes—her arms were completely exposed, and there wasn’t a single mark on them. I told the inspector flat out that if YSD was cutting, it sure wasn’t on her arms. “If she was cutting,” I added dryly, “she was cutting her a$$ cheeks. Because they were the only things halfway covered up.” The inspector held in her laughter. DH was found innocent of child abuse.

A week later, YSD, Crazy BM, and some guy YSD was manipulating showed up to move her things out of DH’s house. Before they arrived, I had DH pack up YSD’s belongings and box everything up. Half an hour before they got there, DH set the boxes out on the front porch. He was done. "She’s never coming back here," he said with finality.

For a long time, I had been telling DH how dysfunctional, manipulative, and disrespectful YSD was, but he refused to see it because it wasn’t happening to him directly. YSD played the game well—when DH wasn’t around, she would shun and covertly disrespect me. Then, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, she’d flip personalities the moment DH walked through the door, acting all sweet and innocent, the perfect daddy’s little girl. It was frustrating, watching her manipulate him while he remained blind to her behavior.

But she couldn’t hide her true self forever. When DH was in the hospital, facing a life-threatening illness, YSD didn’t even call him—despite knowing all about his condition. She simply didn’t care. It was a stark contrast to the image she portrayed, and it made it clear where her loyalties really lay. Time and time again, she had sided with her mother over DH, but he refused to see it. He didn’t want to acknowledge that his little girl wasn’t the caring daughter he imagined.

It took many teachers and school authorities telling DH just how bad his daughter was for him to finally start "getting it." Nothing I could say ever made a difference. Until...

If a biological parent won't give A$$ Beatings, then A$$ Beatings is what it will take to open their eyes. DH is the type of delusional daddy-in-denial who must have his world rocked multiple times before reality sets in, and only when the stakes are extremely high. The moment YSD testified to child protective services about how "abusive" DH was to her, that was his wake-up call. He realized just how close he came to getting a file that could have negatively impacted his life in every way.

Now, he’s left wondering—if she ever came back, would she, with a little more practice under her belt, accuse him of something even worse? Practice makes perfect, after all. With more life experience and manipulation skills, could she eventually make false accusations, like sexual abuse, stick? That question haunts him, and it’s the reason he’ll never let her back into his life again. Or so he says…

Some DHs must experience their crotch droppings turning on them in the worst ways—I’ve read where one DH had his bones broken, a few others were assaulted, and many, like my DH, were accused of false allegations—before they finally realize the true character of those they’ve raised (and I use the term ‘raise’ very loosely). It’s only when things escalate to the point of no return that these dads-in-denial finally see the damage they’ve allowed to fester.

It's been three weeks with no contact from YSD, and for the first time in what feels like forever, we finally have peace. Even DH has admitted how calm and quiet things are now.

What Crazy BM doesn’t realize is that her PASing the skids out is often a stepparent’s best friend. Less drama in the house, less chaos to manage, and there was no one from the first, failed family hating me. Sometimes, the best peace you can find is when they're out of your life for good.

Epilogue

However, I feel like I’m in a Jaws movie, right at the end before the credits roll.

I’m standing at the shore, looking out at the sea, wondering if it’s really safe to get back into the water. Is the nightmare finally over?

And then, faintly at first, the Jaws theme, that creepy music starts playing—soft and slow—building in intensity until it’s all I can hear, growing louder and louder. Just before the tension peaks, the screen goes black, leaving me wondering if the threat is really over or if it’s just waiting to surface again.