How does the custody order read about decisions on schooling? If it has to be joint, he could file an emergency petition for a violation of the custody order. Is the hearing on the 22 just for child support - or could it be changed to cover this as well?

If she insists on this and she gets to do it until there is a court date, DH needs to not help with it in any way. BM needs to figure out how to get Demon back and forth and it needs to be made clear, again - that she will never, ever be doing school from your house.

You guys are in a tough position, DH needs to realize that try as he might, he may lose this fight. As far as punishments, does she have any other "currency" other than her phone? Is there anything else he could deny her that she would care about?

When DH gets into crying fights with SD, he becomes her peer, not her parent, and that's how she is treating him. That dynamic is what needs to be changed in my opinion. Otherwise, I'd work to keep this brat out of my house and out of my life. 

First, before leaving for vacation, have your attorney send BM a cease and desist order.  Bare BM's ass in court in 3wks

Do not allow her to bring the school lap top to your home if this does not reverse immediately.  Keep structure in place and keep that requirement on BM that school is at BM's and not your home. If BM and the Skid want to push this, then make them own it and hold them accountable for completing their choice successfully. Whatever pain and suffering  that has to be applied on them to drive that result.

IMHO of course.

Enjoy your vacation.

 I know that this statement is not an easy one to make, but do not let them in your head or ruin  your trip. Enjoy Europe, and enjoy each other. Go to war when you get back.

What does the CO say regarding custody, decisioning, etc..?

If BM does not have legal custody or specifically assigned decisioning authority on school, time to destroy her and get this kid back in physical class.  I would look into an accelerated graduation path so you can drive forced early emancipation putting her out to finish growing up on her own time and her own dime. That drives more control since anything she asks for once emancipated is a request and you have zero legal impetus to grant it. You and DH can stipulate very clearly what you will do and what SD will do with clearly defined performance standards on her.

As for taking her phone. If she sits it down, and you or DH pick it up, that is not abusively removing it from her possession. Stop letting her scare you with that kind of bullshit. Start bringing consequences, she curses, cut off WiFi, take her door off of her room, remove her personal belongings from the home, web cam the shit out of the house, record and save her profane toxic spawn temper tantrums.  

When we started getting the 14yo bullshit, we shipped ours off to Military School to get him into a new highly structured environment where pleasant existence was tied directly to performance and behavior and accountability was a full and immediate all of the time.  We could maintain that at home when he was with us, but at school, during class, when he was supposed to be at sports practice, at the library, etc.....  we had no oversight of that and sadly schools don't have the balls to make kids do what they should be doing.

Something that Military School does very well.  His Jr. year of HS was his first at Military school. He did exceptionally well. Midway through his 2nd semester his teachers pressured us to get him a laptop because of the limited availability of time in the computer lab for him to get papers done, etc... We knew better, but we were paying a shit ton of money for those teachers  so we took their advice.  By the end of his Jr. year he was starting to slide a bit in his performance.  His Sr. year started early with an invitation to summer leadership camp for Cadets assuming leadership roles when the Fall semester started. By Thanks Giving break he was failing a shit ton of classes. He and his SpermIdiot had hacked the school fire wall and were playing WoW all night to the point he was comatose in class and doing none of his work.  At Thanks Giving I took his laptop and had no intention of giving it back. As his mom and I were pulling away from my Aunt's house heading back to DE a day before he was to fly back to school he was standing there in tears, my parents were advocating for SS, so we handed him his laptop and told him not to screw it up. He had less than 4wks to salvage the entire semester.  There was some caveat to that semester. He came down with Swine Flu during that major epidemic at nearly the beginning of that semester.  His teachers had all of his work brought to the infirmary where he was quarantined for a couple of weeks. He did none of that work.

He came home for Winter break having failed all but one class. One of the Fs was the only class he absolutely had to pass during the Fall semester in order to graduate at the end of the Spring semester.  That class was not offered in Spring or Summer.  So, instead of paying for 3 more semester of tuition to maybe get him to graduation, we brought him home at Winter break, enrolled him in our local HS where we had moved a few weeks after he started at Military School. He knew no one. At Military school he needed only two classes to graduate. The one he failed in the Fall of Sr year, and one in the Spring. At our local HS, he needed 5 classes and an 18mo Sr. project that was assigned and supposed to be started at Winter break of Jr. year. SS had one semester to complete all of that including the Sr. project due the first week of March.  He had less than 8wks to get 18mos of work done plus keeping up with 2 English classes, a math class, and two career path classes where he was cataloging, computerizing, and organizing the music library for the Band Director.  

He lived with our collective foot up his butt.  He knew that we either went to graduation on graduation day, or we dropped him off at the local homeless camp. We put the exclamation point on that by dropping him off at the homeless camp under the Interstate in Philadelphia to meet his potential neighbors.  Those wonderful homeless people were angels. They welcomed him, fed him, tag team lectured him on pulling his head out of his butt how much his parents obviously cared about him, and basically scared the living shit out of him.

He graduated on time and with honors though his Sr. project took him writing an appeal to get that credit when his faculty project review committee did not approve his submittal One committee member failed him while two passed his project.  It took 100% committee approval to get the credit.  His appeal was successful. We made him write it, present it, and defend his project. His mom was at worked buried in Tax season hell. I was in the hallway waiting on him to deal with it.  I could have been in with him but I made it cleat to him that this was on him and he had to do it. We did go to graduation where SS graduated on time with his class and with honors.  It was a decidedly subdued event.  Getting him to that point was a major struggle, emotionally draining, and not something anyone had the bandwidth to celebrate about. Not SS. He was scared to death about having to grow up, launching into adulthood, and he knew that everyone was disappointed hn how he got there.  To salvage some level of recognition we flew my ILs to visit for SS's graduation and I had to specifically ask my parents to attend.  He and my parents have always been very close.  

Even with his GPs present, it was a surely burdened event.

He did ultimately launch successfully but that took nearly another year and a concerted burning platform effort from his mom and me.

So she lives at mommy's sunday 6pm - friday 6pm and only stays w/ you during wth school year on all vacations/holidays. She gets her way, mommy gets her way and you two bow out and let the blame fall where it's needed when she fails. 

Your SD sounds like one of my SDs ex friends. Her mom is a saint and her dad is... I'll just say crazy... they are still together but this girl did this exact same thing. She REFUSED to go to school. 

Long story short.. she should be a senior in high school... yet she is at a freshman level stil.... I talk to her mom still on occasion. Her mom did EVERYTHING she possibly could... 

Your SD will go absolutely no where in life if this is allowed.. as like this girl that I know.. 

SD can not come to your home during school time.  Monday to Friday 7 AM to 3 PM.    Let the chips fall into BM home. You must disengage.  Nobody is listening to you so stop fighting it abd just disengage away 

Demon got her way- unbelievable .....

....Demon (SD15) 

Bruh y'all kill me with these titles and nicknames 

Guess I can't say anything...I renamed my former skids "d0mestic t3rrorist money pit #1/ addicted gamer/ potential permanent dependent" and the other "d0mestic t3rrorist money pit #2 / clingy mini spouse"

And yes to answer your question .... they always get their way (no matter what shenanigans they have to pull) .... that's why they're also known as d3mon, t3rrorists, etc

Have a nice vacation". So, Crazy is going rogue and letting her do online schooling without DH's consent! And because DH won't say yes, SD has had repeated temper tantrums and repeatedly tried to bully him into getting her way. It's insane. 
 

Enjoy your vacation 

If you have a lawyer let them put BM and defiant skid in their place. 
 

No BM shouldn't be making major unilateral decisions and hopefully y'all record these calls if it's legal in your state. If BM did make this decision then she absolutely should face the consequences and SD do her "home school" At her moms house only ... 
 

Repercussions for kids cursing you out??? ----> take their cellphone and hand them a $50 senior citizen flip phone, take all their privileges and refuse privileges  until they apologize and redeem themselves 

back in the days we would have gotten popped in the mouth or spanked on the behind if we dare curse our parents