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DH wants to lie to SD...

Toastergirl's picture

Submitted by Toastergirl on Sat, 12/13/2014 - 4:20pm

My DH got laid off several days ago. I mentioned to him that he needs to tell SD. He said no, it's none of her business. I informed him that she's almost 9, she's part of the family so yes it is. My father got laid off when I was young and thats a part of reality kids to know. Not scare her, but reassure her it's all fine. DH said that he doesn't have to tell her, and that when he finds a new job (whenever that will be) he will just tell her he got a new job. I asked him what he will tell SD when she notices his company car is gone. "I will tell her it's in the shop."

This is absurd. SD has no concept of money. This should be a learning lesson for her about why saving money and not spending frivolously is important. Dr Evil has a maid, gardener/landscaper and SD gets 15$ a tooth there. SD legitimately believes she will always have a maid- after college graduation, when she is married, etc.

Dr evil is also the reigning PAS champ three years running. As soon as the CS is lowered, she is going to FLIP, find out DH got laid off and poison SDs mind. SD deserves to hear about this from her father.

I already know how the PAS will go, "baby girl, mommy will never get laid off. I'm a doctor, and you deserve the best. I will always take care of you and buy you the best. Your father didn't work hard. He's just not a hard worker. I will always be here to take care of you. It looks like he won't be. He doesn't want to support you. He hides money from me and spends it on other things."

My DH is in such denial, I'm terrified. He hasn't filed for unemployment OR contacted his lawyer about CS. He is in fairy tale land where everything is going to be okay. It won't. I've told him he will go into arrears if he doesn't file to modify. He doesn't seem to grasp this concept.

When my DH deployed with his reserve unit several years ago he fell 2 months behind on CS. Our state allows a 3 month grace period for deployed soldier. Dr evil started calling random army bases asking for jag officers, trying to find DH's unit to bring DH home from Afghanistan to take him to court for CS.

Yes she is THAT crazy. This will not end well folks. I'm filing taxes separate this year. Thank god we don't have joint accounts.

Comments

dogtac69's picture

Submitted by dogtac69 on Sat, 12/13/2014 - 4:28pm

At the age of nine, SD is too young to bear the burden of all of this. If she asks, DH should tell her what happened, but he should not go into harsh details. Your idea of filing separately is a good one. You do not want to be held responsible, financially, if this all goes downhill.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Sat, 12/13/2014 - 4:53pm

I disagree. I think 9 is perfectly old enough to hear the basics. What would have happened back in "the good ole days"? Family meeting, each kid knows they will chip in with extra help and the family plans on how to cut corners and tighten the belt. Kids learn money doesn't grow on trees, that families help each other, and that with team work you can get through anything.

Today? Nope. Big secret, lie, lie, lie, kid learns nothing. Kid finds out from Mom anyhow, now all faith in Dad being honest is lost.

dogtac69's picture

Submitted by dogtac69 on Sat, 12/13/2014 - 5:34pm

Back in "the good ole days" the family unit probably would be intact. There would be no SC or SPs. SFamilies are not the same as intact families. Like it or not, there are different rules for these kinds of families. SD8, almost 9, does not have any one family around the clock, so to burden her with this problem probably is not the right thing to do, unless she asks. And then, tread lightly while explaining things to her.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Sat, 12/13/2014 - 4:57pm

I see no problem telling her.

I see a HUGE Problem not changing CS and not filing for unemployment.

sorry.

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Sat, 12/13/2014 - 5:20pm

If he doesn't tell her is he prepared for the damage BM will do when she tells SD? Is he prepared for potentially losing his drivers license or possibly go to jail because it sounds like BM will totally pull for that to happen. Why doesn't he want to file for unemployment and a modification? It's not like BM's been accommodating in the past and looking out for everyone's interests. Sounds like she's out for blood. He's an idiot.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 12/13/2014 - 5:30pm

My SD was 15 when my DH got laid off and we did not tell her. He was able to pay his CS with his unemployment so BM did not know, either. It was really none of their business.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 12/13/2014 - 5:37pm

I'm sorry he got laid off Sad I don't know if he should tell her or not. Whatever he decides, I think you need to let him handle it and leave it up to him. But he needs to file for unemployment and a cs reduction ASAP. That part, you do need to insist on. What does BM do for a living? Sounds like she's well off.

Toastergirl's picture

Submitted by Toastergirl on Sat, 12/13/2014 - 7:01pm

Thank you everyone. He swore to me he will call lawyer first thing Monday morning then file for unployment. I will make him do it by gunpoint if I have to.