Just need to vent a little! Feel free to share any tips you have!
So SS15 is underweight...has been for years. He is 5'6" and weighs 87 pounds, he's only gained a few pounds in the past few years, but has grown inches. The doctor has never seemed overly concerned about it, just said "well he just hasn't hit puberty yet". This last Dr. visit she recommended he go to a GI specialist, which DH did, and we spent a fair amount of money on some tests that all came back normal. The GI wants to do another round of tests now, that will cost about $1000 out of pocket. DH and BM have decided to hold off on these tests for now because of the cost, and I think we all feel that there isn't necessarily anything actually medically wrong (there are no other physical issues other than the low weight), but at the same time we don't really know how to fix it. For the record, both DH and BM are quite slender, DH has always been able to eat anything he wants and not gain weight.
So, I've mentioned to DH that I feel a big part of SS15's weight issue is a mind thing/ what he's been used to. He's simply not used to eating anything more than a little kids' food portion, not to mention he doesn't really care about eating, he'd sit on a video game all day long and never eat if we didn't tell him to.
So since DH and BM have not seemed to put in the effort to make some changes for him I've decided I will (I know, I know I shouldn't care more than the parents, but I've decided I'd try to help here). So this week I've gotten SS15 up before DH and I leave for work, cooked him breakfast, and tried to get him to eat. Hoping that him eating an earlier breakfast will help him eat a bigger lunch at a more reasonable time, and then he'll be hungry again for dinner. I work on giving him calorie rich foods, but it can be kind of difficult because he can be picky, and he hates cheese.
He's on his own for lunch, then I cook dinner for everyone and again I try to make sure he has a portion on his plate that is appropriate for what he SHOULD be eating (because otherwise he'd put a portion size for an 8 year old on his plate). Then around 930 at night I make him a protein shake with weight gainer powder, whole milk, and some nesquick to make it taste better.
He's getting to the point that I think he's feeling too much pressure to eat, and that makes him retreat...it's a vicious circle and it's starting to really bug me. I honestly think he may have some slight form of autism, he seems to have some sensory issues, in particular he talks about not liking the feeling of being full.
I just don't know what to do...I want to help but I'm not willing to do it at the expense of my sanity so I don't know how long this will last. I truly, honestly feel that simply adjusting his "normal" will help him gain weight, so I'm trying to help him gain so we don't have to spend the $1000 on the extra testing which will show nothing. I know DH won't continue trying to encourage him to eat in the way that I am so that's not an option to push it off on him. It's either I do it, or it doesn't get done.
I guess I'm just venting...I know that I should just walk away from the issue if it's causing me stress but I'm not ready to give up yet. I've been putting a lot of effort into picking foods that have high calorie levels in small quantities, since SS15 is resisting eating too much quantity to avoid being too full. I'm hoping over time his stomach adjusts to larger portions and it won't be such an issue.
Oh also! He's like TOTALLY sedentary, literally does not do any physical activity other than walking up/down the stairs for meals. I think trying to get him to so some sort of exercise to increase his appetite is another important piece of the puzzle, but I'm not sure what to have him do without it seeming like a punishment to him...
Thanks if you've gotten this far! I know it's long, and honestly I don't expect many responses other than people telling me I should just stop doing what his parent's won't, but I just wanted to vent mostly I guess.
- ksmom14's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Wow! Thank you for your
Wow! Thank you for your comment, that helps...
I think DH is afraid that SS15 is like DH's brother...BIL apparently never really hit FULL puberty...has very little body hair, and cannot actually have children. SS15 is already A LOT like BIL personality wise so I think DH is afraid that there is some issue that he hasn't really hit puberty yet and that he won't be able to have children either.
I have a few questions that
I have a few questions that might be worth thinking over.
We're either of his parents similarly under weight at that age? (ie is it a genetic thing he will likely grow out of?)
Could ss have an eating disorder?
What does ss think about his weight? How is his body image? Does he want to do anything about it? Was he on board with your eating plan?
Also, if you haven't already, I would focus on education so that ss learns about good nutrition. Then even if he does not put on significant amounts of weight now he will have the tools to do it himself when he is older and ready to tackle it himself if he wants to.
Doing some strength training together with the increased protein might help him build up some muscle but he has to want to do it for it to be sustainable.
Putting on weight for some people is as hard as it is for others to take it off, and it can be equally trying for them to increase thier calories as it is for others to decrease theirs. It requires real commitment, support and perseverance and is unlikely to be successful if it is imposed on someone.
DH was VERY skinny at this
DH was VERY skinny at this age, but still about 20-25 pounds more than SS is now. So I think there is some genetics at play here, but I think it's more than that.
I have considered an eating disorder, but I don't think it's as much an actual eating disorder as it is just a disinterest in eating in general.
SS used to say that he liked being skinny, but DH and I both feel those were comments o basically get us off his back. Since he has started high school he's stopped saying that, I think he gets teased about his weight so although he's not putting in effort himself to change it I don't think he in actuality likes being so underweight.
I didn't sit down with him and talk to him about trying to gain weight. I found recently that if I put an adults size portion of food on his plate he eats it, no issue. So I felt that just making some changes and trying to make it the new normal instead of making it this big plan was the best course to take. With SS15 (with anything, school work, chores, eating, etc) if you sit down and tell him he needs to do XYZ he does the typical teenage thing and gives pushback because he doesn't want to be told what to do.
I do want to educate him, and feel that's important, but for now I've just been trying to increase his portion sizes to a new normal, I felt like that was the #1 issue.
KS - my own kid is a string
KS - my own kid is a string bean, some days he would eat me out of the house, other days he would not eat for 2-3 days, nothing... It never bothered me, he's healthy and skinny... he will eat when he's hungry.
Not all people are the same, you belief in breakfast, lunch and dinner.... I would run away from your house,
I only eat small dinner.... nothing more... might chew on a banana during the day.
Simply leave him be, he will eat when he's hungry... and no kid ever could resist pizza
I would limit his screen time....
That's the problem, the kid
That's the problem, the kid won't eat when he's hungry! He's too focused on video games, and this kid can resist pizza! He will only eat 2 slices...MAYBE 3 if he's super hungry or distracted. I wouldn't mind him not eating as much at certain times, if he ate a lot at others, but it's almost NEVER that way. It's either he doesn't eat much at all, or he eats ok...but very very rarely does he eat a lot.
I agree that screen time should be limited and have told DH as such time and time again, but alas he has not followed through on it. And that is one battle I refuse to join.
You mentioned he loves
You mentioned he loves burgers... problem solved then lol.....
simply switch off the screens at dinner time and say, We eat as a family and we all have to eat, dish up for him...
treat him like a toddler... you finish your food you can play... if DH says anything give him the bitch glare
This is what we do, we always
This is what we do, we always eat together at the dinner table.
I don't know that basically taking video games away from him until he eats X amount is the answer though...I don't want to make food a punishment for him, I feel like that would be counter intuitive.
do you bring him food or do
do you bring him food or do you expect him to come get it?
Placing a plate next to him might encourage him to take bites while playing
(since you're not getting on the too much videogame thing I mean)
We all eat together at the
We all eat together at the dinner table, there are no TVs or games on (they're in a separate room anyways)
Both my male cousins are
Both my male cousins are really tall and one is 16 and the other 15. They are bones with skin on them literally, I have seen them down candy, food, anything you can imagine. They are literally just that skinny. Both his parents were very skinny when they were that age and their dad is still pretty thin.
It literally just maybe the way he is built. If the doctors say all is good and parents are not concerned I would let it go.
If he was eating more I
If he was eating more I wouldn't be as concerned about the weight, and would just brush it off as how he was built. But he doesn't, he eats what a 9 year old should be eating, he doesn't gorge, he doesn't down candy and sodas, he doesn't binge on pizza when we buy it, nothing.
I don't like the feeling of
I don't like the feeling of being full either. What works for me and works with our kids is to do a lot of snacks. While I'm making dinner we all usually go ahead and eat our veggies (if they are uncooked). I also give the kids fruit and cheese while I cook a lot of the time. I also have a snack around 4 at work and the kids eat a snack around 5 on the way home. On weekends we have breakfast, an after breakfast snack, lunch, an after lunch snack and dinner (the way I described above). We don't have junk food in our house, so snacks are fruit, veggies, cheese, nuts, greek yogurt, etc. My husband's side has a fast metabolism, so this is the best way to keep weight on the kids. We don't have beverages with empty calories like soda or juices. We mainly drink water between meals and milk or water with meals.
I've started considering this
I've started considering this too...having him eat more snacks vs upping the portion sizes for meals. I guess I will finish out this week and see how he's doing than look to adjust for next week if need be.
thanks for the comment
Good luck! It is a lot harder
Good luck! It is a lot harder than throwing a bunch of empty calories at them (which actually makes it worse). My skid is on ADHD meds and getting them to maintain or gain is not easy and they do like to eat!
If he is not sickly with
If he is not sickly with colds or infections all the time I would not worry about how much he eats.
You could add some extra protein powder into meals that you cook. Also try putting grated cheese in the hamburgers...it is delicious.
Provide healthy choices and education.
The bigger issue is what is the launch plan? He is 15, addicted to video games and doesn't sound physically built for manual labor jobs.
Is he a smoker...can that be keeping his weight low?
At 15 he could be helping prepare family meals, maybe he would develope and interest in food and cooking new dishes. Make it fun. Have him help with the shopping for ingredients, visit local farm markets for fresh produce.
Maybe he is a grazer, nothing wrong with that.
Take care of yourself and the soon to arrive baby.
My boys are tall and skinny.
My boys are tall and skinny. Both are 28 years old, 6'2" and less than 140 lbs. I think closer to 130 and 135.
Growing up, the doctor said it was in their genes.
My grand son is the same. Overly tall for his age, yet under weight.
They eat like pigs.
I know right! I could use a
I know right! I could use a some of that too....especially being in the 3rd trimester of pregnancy, I swear I'm always hungry...
Is he on any meds? Some
Is he on any meds?
Some people are just skinny. I was 5'8 and 107 lbs at 17, 18 . My doctor asked about eating disorders. I simply wasn't hungry. I stayed close to that weight until I got pregnant. Post pregnancy, 120 was my normal. Now I'm up to 130 but I eat anything I want and enjoy my wine. Metabolism is funny.
He is not on any meds, about
He is not on any meds, about 2 years ago they doctor gave him a prescription for something that was supposed to stimulate his appetite. It was hell, it didn't do much to stimulate his appetite and he became a COMPLETE zombie and would sleep all day. So after the first bottle was gone we did not refill it.
It's obvious you care about
It's obvious you care about him. Keep us posted.