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Blended Families

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 12:14pm

I found this to be an interesting article. Not all step families blend. I recently read a comment somewhere about stepfamilies that the husband and wife are the foundation of the home and, without a strong foundation, the family unit will crumble. I agree. Who is left in that home after the kids/skids launch? The spouses/partners.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/9820359/Banning-the-blend...

Comments

Dovina's picture

Submitted by Dovina on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 12:25pm

I have read this article before. I also agree the term "blended family" is off base, because for most it is anything but blended. Co-exist is a good word, and even then.......
Is it just me (rhetorical question), but this time of year gets so depressing. Its hard to enjoy the holiday season walking on eggshells, turning the other cheek, and literally counting the minutes for this to be done. Humbug

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 1:14pm

Dovina, it certainly DOES get depressing. Bio-parents are so busy worrying about ensuring an almost PERFECT Christmas for the skids. Because, after all, it can never again be 100% perfect because they are COD and obviously suffering. Suffering with twice the festivities, twice the gifts...

IMO, it's especially difficult for stepparents with NO bios. I feel like an outsider making a black mark when the skids 'bless' DH with their presence...so they can get presents. How much did Daddddddddeeeeeee give me this year?? Absolutely NO thanks or the teeniest appreciation for Evil Aniki who cleaned the freaking house, set up most of the decorations or festive furniture throws/doilies or kitchen/bathroom towels, did all the damn cooking, AND was the one who actually bought the friggin' gift cards (with DH's money). I feel like I'm Typhoid Mary covered in scabby warts with the worst B.O. in the universe.

Dovina's picture

Submitted by Dovina on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 1:46pm

Just think 11 days from now the dreaded skidmas will be over for this year. Make sure you sign their xmas card Fondly, Typhoid Aniki.
Hugs. Remember "Sometimes Wine is just Necessary"

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 12:38pm

Totally agree the term Blended family should be burned.

The thing of it is for me I have been a part of both sides. The GREAT and the darn right ugly.

I know what GOOD divorced families look like AND how they act. It is a choice. And yes it grows very nicely. Few bumps along the way but BEST for kids.

And I also know what awful parenting post divorce looks like too. It is a choice as well. Its chaotic because 1 parent wants it that way, you know those dog on a bone types.. and most times not recoverable. Child of that marriage is forced to pick a parent forever and ever.

My life is so much better because my xhusband and I AND my dh decided to do things the right way. Child support was not used to screw me OR my x.

No comment about DH's ex.

My dh and I are very happy. That's a choice too.

GREAT article Aniki. Thanks for sharing. POOH POOH the blended unpalatable term.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 1:24pm

Goodluck, it's terrible when a parent forces a child to play parental favorites.

BioHo pitches hissy fits ANY time she thinks her kids like/love DH more. 3 years ago, in our damn driveway, we could hear 'Ho screeching to PrincASS "you love your Dad more than meeeeeeeee and that's WRONG!!!!" All because he brought a book over to keep at our house because Spawnthen7 was allowed (still is) to go into everyone's room and breaks/destroys things. This book is very special to him and he didn't want so much as a sticky fingerprint on it.

For several years, the SDs both fawned over and sucked up to BioHo (in person AND on fakebook), but constantly told DH "she's freaking CRAZY". During that time, I was "super cool" and "awesome" and "so easy to talk to". Now that they both NEED stuff from 'Ho, she's their BFF and I'm the evil stepmonster. ~eye roll~

If only I was as evil as they claim...

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 12:40pm

I agree with this... We aren't "blended" We're two separate family units... That try and co-exist... But normally get a lot of crap thrown at us from BM... Dh and I have talked about it. The family is divided, and it's better for the skids to know and accept that than sit here with some weird fantasy of one family. Because that's not the reality for them.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 1:26pm

Oh, we get the crap from BioHo.

PO's her that DH divorced HER.
PO's her that DH remarried before she did.
PO's her that the boys would rather be with DH than her.
PO's her that I cook/clean/keep house/have a much better job/am older but look younger.
PO's her that, for a couple of years, her daughters were calling me to talk/ask for advice and not her because, well, she's a freaking NUT JOB.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 1:32pm

Gotta love those temperamental BMs... So much logic going on... LMAO

It takes so much pretending not to break her nose some days. LOL

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 2:03pm

Actually, I'd much rather shove her face-first into a huge, steaming pile of elephant poop...

StepMat789's picture

Submitted by StepMat789 on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 4:17pm

And, I feel that way about my Ex-husband's new wife. I have never met anyone more selfish and manipulative.

Shaken and Not Stirred Family life...defiantly not blended.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 1:29pm

I think it should be called “two families and a marriage within a household” .... kind along. Will need to shorten it.

TFMH....yup...they are a TFMH household. Blum 3

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 2:02pm

Too Many Freakin' _______

Fill in the blank...

TwoOfUs's picture

Submitted by TwoOfUs on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 3:19pm

Pretty soon, for me...it will be one family (DH & me) and some young adults who visit from time-to-time.

Can't wait.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 3:35pm

Sounds great. I'm hoping that the SDs will do what they CLAIM they want to do and MOVE FAR AWAY. 5 hours away, at the very LEAST, although SD21 claims she wants to live on the east or west coast (please GO!). PrincASS belongs to the military so his time here will be limited. I don't expect PigPen to stick around, if he can help it. If this actually happens, visits from the skids might only be at Christmas time. I give every tooth in my head for THAT!

TwoOfUs's picture

Submitted by TwoOfUs on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 3:54pm

I don't think I'll ever get that lucky...but right now, OSD and SS are both in other towns. 2.5 hours for OSD, 4 hours for ss. That's pretty good...

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Fri, 12/15/2017 - 10:05pm

“Step-families succeed, experts tell us, when the couple accepts that there’s nothing wrong with a kid preferring her own parent, or a parent feeling closer to his own child.“

To the above, I would add, there’s nothing wrong with a stepmother not viewing a stepchild as her own child or not treating a stepchild any different from a niece or nephew.

I can’t tell if she was implying that in the final clause of her statement, but I feel like a lot of problems for stepmoms revolve around the expectations people have for how she should treat her stepkids.

I would also add, there is nothing wrong with a married couple prioritizing their relationship. As long as the children aren’t being mistreated or neglected, divorced parents, she not be expected to always put the children first. All married couples should be afforded the same level of respect for their relationship, regardless of whether or not they are both biological parents of the children.