This is going to be long...but there is just so much to get out...sorry

I haven't been on here in a while, but I need answers or advice. If you look thru my other posts you will see some history that I have with my sd. I used to resent her so much and dread when she would come over...but after my husband had to go to court to fight a tpo we sat and had a long talk with sd and since then we have been getting along...Something just finally clicked with me that it is not her fault she is the way she is and I realized it was not even her that I had the big problem with...it was my husband who treated her like she could do no wrong. We talked about it and he agreed that he has parented her out of guilt for a long time now and he has really been working on changing it. We have had her every other weekend and we have a good time, when she gets a attitude...one of us will say something to her. That's another thing my husband brought up to me. He said that if she does/says something that I don't like I need to speak up and when she is in our house I have a right to discipline her just like I would do with our own children...so I have been speaking up a lot more. She has been pretty good, but she is a 9 year old girl, so there is some attitude sometimes, but not anything to really punish her for...just telling her to knock it off or something has been working.
Ok, now for the newest situation. BM called my husband a couple days ago and told him that since sd has anxiety attacks during thunderstorms she was going to take her to the doctor to get pills. My husband was completely against it and told her so, but he didn't think the doctor would actually give her anything...she went yesterday and she told my husband that the doctor gave her zolof...I have no idea if I spelled that right...my husband freaked and started researching this pill. It says that it is for OCD...my sd does not have OCD at all...I don't know if bm was lying about the pills or she was actually telling the truth. She told my husband that my sd's doctor was getting fed up with her a couple of months ago, because of them constantly taking her there when there is nothing wrong with her, so I don't know if he would just give a 9 y/o medication without her talking to a shrink first. bm has been wanting pills for sd for a long time though and she will eventually find a quack to give them to her. Next issue...My husband was talking to sd on the phone yesterday and he overheard bm in the background telling sd that when she was done that she had to talk to him...my husband said she completely went nuts on bm, started yelling at her not to tell her what to do, that she doesn't have to listen to her...blah blah blah...my husband snapped on her and asked her who she thinks she is talking to her mother like that and told her to say sorry. This kid started crying hysterically like someone was going to kill her. Finally bm gets on the phone and yells at my husband for making her cry. He was like I yelled at her because of the way she talked to you, and telling her that she should be punished for that, she told him that that is just the way she is so she can't do anything...I'm not kidding. I don't know of any parent that would not say a word with their kid snapping on them like that.
The point I am trying to make is that my sd is getting so messed up in the head from living in that house. She would not ever even think of acting like that with us. She has never had a anxiety attack at our house when it thunders...she gets nervous, because she doesn't like them...but nothing unusual...she will still go to bed and function like a normal kid when it rains. She does get anxiety attacks at bm's house though...my husband has heard them, but bm plays into it and gives her attention for it...it's like she enjoys it or something strange.
I told my husband that it's now or never to file for a change of custody. I am worried that if something is not done that sd is going to end up in a nut house before she reaches puberty. Her mom is a complete nut case and I will bet everything that I have that she would do horrible on a psych evaluation.

Alright here are the reasons that we need full custody
* bm has MS..which isn't a deal breaker, but she is constantly in and out of the hospital and can't do anything with sd like take her to the doctor/school...she delegates it to someone else.
* she never disciplines sd...which I know a lot of parents are like that, but it is to the point where it is abusive.
* She missed 12 days of school last year, and bm got a letter saying that any more absenses without a dr note, they would call the truancy officer...guess who that is? bm's mother.
* The last time they went to court for the tpo. sd talked to the judge and told the judge that bm talks bad about us and makes sd guilty for wanting to come to our house.(judge not happy with bm at all)
* bm got caught in a bunch of lies the last time in court and the judge made a comment that he knows that women who have MS are not all there in their mind, but she needs to get some help for her daughter. (this was not a custody case). He said the protection order was void before it was even served because bm called husband the same day she filed for it
* She is having anxiety attacks at bm's house to the point that bm wants to medicate her.

I think we have a pretty good case, but is it enough? We don't have the money to have a full out custody battle, but we will take out a loan. I would even be willing to sell our house and move into a apartment...whatever it takes. My concern is that bm has also filed for a increase in cs which is so crazy that she is not going to get it, but I don't want the judge to think that we just want custody so he doesn't have to pay cs...everything was pretty calm up until about 4 months ago...but now I think bm is going crazy and she is going to ruin her kid if something is not done now. He has a lawyer right now, but he really sucks. I took him 9 days to return a phone call...it just seems like he wants to just roll over and do whatever to make the case end. We need to get another lawyer...we need a aggessive lawyer that will really fight and do whatever it takes. I know that we will need to do home studies,psych evaluations, get medical and school records....what else do we need? About how much will it cost? Are there any ways to cut down on the costs? Does it help that she already got caught in lies by the judge and the judge thinks she might have mental problems?...it is the same judge for custody. I'm just lost right now and need options.

If you actually read this whole thing...thank you so much and I would appriciate any advice you have...thanks again!