given to you last week and you are doing HIS laundry!! :jawdrop:

You have to be kidding me! Doing his laundry is not gonna make him stop seeing that woman!

"And this too shall pass..."

Are sure thats ALL they are doing? I would say just pack up and leave him, you deserve better.

Please get yourself together and find a friend and get away from him. He is only bringing you down and making you not feel good about yourself. Why are you allowing him to do this? You love him, how can you love him with he is with another woman. Really, really think about this. He is messing you up emotionally. Who else does he have to blame but you. He is going to blame you for it...do you really think he is going to say he is at fault for this. IT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE!!!!!

I agree with dorothy... Seek counseling and/or turn to your friends/family for support. This man is not respecting you or treating you as though he ever loved you. Even if I were unhappy and cheating on my spouse, I COULD NOT and WOULD NOT flaunt that in front of my already injured spouse. That is NOT love, sarah, sorry. Get away from him as soon as possible.

OMG, Well Sarah - First and Foremost - You have to love and respect yourself before you allow him to run all over you and then turn around and blame you for it. You and he are married and took a vow of commitment to each other. He claims you did not do his biddings, i.e. washing laundry etc, and now he has to cheat and emotionally connect with another woman.

Instead of placing his energy at home to attempt and make his marriage work - he is placing his energies on another woman - spending time and memories with her. Things he should be doing with you for a deeper connection. AND then he turns around and says you changed. Lady - he is treating you as a housekeeper, maid, cook, and dumping board. He is claiming you have changed and done him wrong - so he feels better about his "wrong-doings".

Of course he is going to be brutally honest now - you did not kick him out or move on when you found out he was cheating. Now he feels if he can make you feel bad about his actions or responsible he will continue the affair and then blame you for it. He is in the wrong here - but you are the one paying for it.

Wake up honey..... He is doing exactly what he wants to do. He is not being completely honest with you. Why would he - if he were so honest and concerned - he should have told you these things before he started cheating. That is actual brutal honesty. Right now he is just using it to beat you down and run all over you.

Look at your self in the mirror until you realize how special you are, love your self, find time for your self, go out and do something that pampers you and makes you feel good. Continue to make yourself happy. It has to start there. Screw him - he is selfishly thinking of only himself and his self-gratification right now. That's it.

If you don't want to leave him ..... then start ignoring him, find things that take up your time, stop answering your cell phone, stop being so accessible to him, go on a trip with your friends or even alone. He will begin to wonder why the attention on him has stopped. You should concentrate on you and helping to remind yourself of your own self worth.

Right now he feels as if he has a license to cheat.... he is beating you down, and you are succumbing to the mind games he is playing. Screw his laundry. You are his wife... he is supposed to care more about your heart then his clothing. Period.

Get away from him and his crap for a few days - clear your head - and treat your self with love. it may help you make some needed changes or decisions.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

You poor girl!! You have been through HELL sweetie...and he has the audacity to walk all over you, cheat with another woman and say that YOU have CHANGED????? You need to pull yourself together and get the HELL out of there! Do not pass go, do not collect $200. HE IS PLAYING GAMES WITH YOUR HEAD!!!

YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!! And if you can't see that, then you need to seriously talk to a counselor because this asshole has done a number on your self worth/self-esteem.

You take care of his step-son and him, after all you have had to endure (and the drama with his ex??) and he is out with another woman completely disrespecting you?? And so soon after his divorce and re-marriage to you? The dude needs help...and a real swift kick in the ass.

Do you have the means to leave and find another place to live? You need to take whatever money is in your joint account (if you have one) and leave him. Get an attorney, file for a divorce...GET OUT NOW!!!

I am SO sorry you are going through yet another painful ordeal. I am praying for you, HARD!

Love :o

This boy is an idiot. OF COURSE he's enjoying this time with her. She gets all the attention without all the SHIT that comes along with being a SM. He'll wake up as soon as the papers are final and you're not there making up for his lack as a parent and realize that he lost out big time on you.

You do what feels best for you. Nothing anyone says on here will sway you from what you want to do. If you think it's best to stay in a "marraige" where your partner is out banging his coworker, then stay. Tell yourself that it's b/c he is misunderstood, and that you drove him to cheat, and if you just love him enough, he won't leave you. Then tell yourself that again with the next girl he cheats with, and the next. When he is out on vacations with them while you're sitting at home folding his socks, tell yourself it's b/c you burnt his dinner last night, and now he needs time to forgive you. COME ON!! REALLY!!?? Do you feel like you deserve to be treated this way??

Please please tell me her name and where she works. Why haven't you gone down and confronted her yet?? Next time you have your SS, get him hyped up on sugar and junk and drop him off at their work and say enjoy. Let her see what she is going to get herself in to.

You do not deserve this. He is turning it all around on you. It sounds to me like he is playing a bunch of bullshit games and trying to control you. If he wanted to make things work, he would not be contacting this woman still. Get rid of his sorry ass!!! And don't do anything else for him (laundry, ect.)

Take all money in joint accounts because he can if you don't. You'll need it...worry about it later. It condo is in your name then change the locks and put his bags outside the door. If it is in his name, MOVE YESTERDAY!!!! You deserve better. He is definitely narcassitic (look it up on the internet) and if he is flaunting it in your face, he will not change, EVER. I know it isn't what you want to hear, but I've been there, TRULY, and I know.....save yourself months of agony and leave now.

"...he told me all the things I did/did not do to drive him to seek emotional support from another."

Sarah, he is having an emotional affair with another woman. He will not stop when you ask him to, and he is blaming YOU for it.

If someone in a marriage does not feel emotionally supported, then that person needs to go to his partner and ask her to go to counseling with him. NOT to go find someone else to give him what he thinks he's missing.

Whether this affair is physical or not, he is cheating on you. And of course he didn't stop for the week. Because he told you that it was your fault, and you BOUGHT it. You let him stay, all you did was ask him to stop seeing her, there are no consequences for him not doing that. Plus you are still doing his laundry. And you know that part of the reason he hasn't left is because he's living in your house.

Basically, he has no respect for you or your relationship. He's using you for everything he can get out of you. And frankly, it's not much of a surprise. People will do what they can get away with. He knows he can get away with treating you like a doormat.

Why don't you teach him differently? Please get some respect for yourself and get rid of him. I imagine that the reason you haven't kicked his ass to the curb yet, is that you are hoping he will see the light. You are pining for the husband you WANT him to be. Honey, he isn't that person, and never will be. Anyone who could treat another person like this, let alone his wife, has no morals and no conscience. Stop trying to have a relationship with a phantom -- the guy you fell in love with is an imaginary character that you created in your head. He doesn't exist. The man you ARE married to is a bag of sh*t who will never respect or love you.

I'm sorry to be so blunt. But seriously. Kick his sorry ass out and divorce him. This is not a marriage. It's indentured servitude. The only difference between this and slavery, is that in slavery, the slave owner is the one who owns the house, not the slave.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

BTW, I changed the locks one night when I knew my husband was out with his girlfriend, left the suitcases by the back door and went to a GF house for the night because I was worried he could be violent...hadn't ever been, but he was a big man. Then I called and told him where the suitcases were....he wanted to know where he was supposed to go and I told him i didn't care, go stay with his girlfriend. The bags were gone the next day when I came back home. We were divorced about 2 months later and I had a 4 1/2 year old son and a 6 month old baby girl. He's been an ass ever since.

If your mom was still here, how do you think she would advise you? What would she say if she knew that while your husband was out carrying on an affair with another woman, you were sitting at home laundering his undershorts? What would she tell you if she knew that he was sleeping in your bed probably because he doesn't have enough money yet for a place of his own? Would she care if you were left watching SK while hubby runs out for a couple of hours so he could call his mistress on the phone? Do you think your mother would agree that by continuing to do all the things a wife does for a husband, that he will eventually see that you're not a bad person? Or do you think she would tell you to change the locks, pack his stuff in Hefty garbage bags and deliver them to his office, or better yet, give them to his mistress? Do you think she would encourage you to muster every last bit of self respect and dignity you can and boot this louse to the curb? Send this navel lint packing to his mistress' place. Do not let him continue to treat you with this level of disrespect and disregard. If he can't make a decision, then by God, make it for him!

By the way, I am so sorry to know that you lost your mother. This must be especially difficult not having her when you need her the most. HUGS to you.

Learn about it, realize what it is you are doing that is your fault and heal yourself as fast as you can.
You are to nice for your own damn good! You deserve better.
These are the same words that was spoken to me. And at the time I did not understand them, I didn't know I was most of the problem. And don't stop there. Keep a positive flow of healing and growth in your life.
I have the most wonderful wife now. We support each other with everything we can.
And it started way back when I was in your shoes now.
Recover and good luck to you.

Here is the link
http://www.codependents.org/

Patterns and Characteristics of Co dependence

These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.

Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

I missed your original post about this somehow, but am so sorry you are going through this. I have to say, I agree with the others, that him supposedly taking a week to think about it, is merely postponing the inevitable and will make you feel worse.

Take control of your life girl. This behavior is WAY out of bounds and NOT in wedding vows, so please do not consider yourself bound to that any more, because clearly DH has already ended it honey. Also not to rub salt in, but to me grown men do not usually have purely 'emotional', platonic, affairs in my experience - I feel certain there IS something else going on.

Can you talk to a counselor, even a new one, just to have someone in person to help you? Do NOT leave as then I think he can claim residency somehow. He is the one who need to leave or be thrown out! If it is your place, you can just change the locks and put his stuff outside - the sooner the better. (((((((((((((Hugs to Sarah)))))))))))))
_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.

William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2

NOW! Ugh, he sounds just like my ex. You are too nice, too sweet, and too good a person to allow this behavior. THROW HIM OUT!!! You'll cry, you'll wail, you'll have second thoughts. Be strong and don't cave in. Then you'll have peace. Like none you've ever experienced before.

I did. It was hard for a little while, and then it was so easy.

Who says you HAVE to be there this weekend?? And yes WHY subject yourself to the blatant disrespect?? Get the hell outta there!
He has some fucking nerve talking about there is someonelse in the picture! :jawdrop:

Fuckin asshole! Errr.. but please find somewhere to go this wekend or something to do. Clearly he doesn't give a rats ass about you!

"And this too shall pass..."

Please get away from him..why would you let a man do this to you. How can you sit htere and watch him text another woman. He only wants you around this weekend cause you have your SS so you can take care of him. Honey, you have to move on and move on now. It isn't better to be alone than to be with someone that doesn't want you or wants you to do his laundry??? Come on... He respects you...bull****. He doesnt' respect you if he did he wouldn't do this to you. You are like his puppet on a string right now.. Get some balls and tell him to go somewhere else this weekend you need a weekend to yourself.
If you do really wnat this to work..which I wouldn't know why but maybe if you let him go he may realize what he really has with you.. but you can't keep letting him do this to you.

Just so you know, I've been through something similar. Had a boyfriend of 6 years, couldn't commit to me, strung me along etc. He met someone and was having an emotional affair (if not more). He finally confessed to me and I was devastated and shocked. Anyway, I remember being fed the same line of crap about him being "confused" and not knowing what to do but he had to be "honest with me" blah blah. I remember doing the same things you're doing, blaming myself, allowing him to make ME feel bad for what HE did. But, my outspoken friends slapped the sh*t out of me and reminded me of ALL the times he made me sad over the 6 years. The thing is, I stayed in the relationship because I didn't think I could do any better and was hoping, that with time, things would get better but we just weren't a perfect fit. I did have low self esteem and I ALLOWED him to treat me the way he did, take me for granted etc. Everytime I felt sad or weak about the breakup, I called my friends and had them remind me of all the crap he'd put me through. Helped me to snap out of it. I also IMMEDIATELY started seeing a therapist. That too helped immensely. I would strongly suggest you talk to someone especially since it doesn't sound like you have much of a support network.