ss wants us to kill our other kids?!
Ok, so maybe this is an over-reaction and I am half-convinced that my ss(9) is a sociopath. He is over for the weekend and he was playing a star wars game on xbox and it was a scene where Anakin and Luke are fighting (father and son). My partner said wasn't that a little weird that the game made father and son look the same age?
ss replied that yes - and then turned around with such a look of pure joy and said wouldn't it be great it my partner killed my bio-son and pointed at my bk and laughed. He then realised what he said was possibly not very funny and got an angry look on his face and went back to playing the game.
My partner and I just looked at each other and my partner said 'Not really, is that how you feel about your brother though?' in a serious voice, to which ss put on what I thought was a fake voice and said 'No of course not, just joking' - totally expression-less.
I scared, I already feel that at some point my ss is going to do something awful to one of my bk's and at home he openly tell his bm that she ruined his life when she had another baby and he hates her for it.
What am I supposed to feel after that?!
For those who have a psychological background - would taking him to see a psychologist once eow make a difference to his behaviour? Would it be wise for us to take him without bm? Is there any point to taking him without bm backing? I am very scared by his violent behaviour and thoughts about his siblings (not just the ones in my home).
Thanks!! That is exactly what
Thanks!! That is exactly what I was hoping to hear lol!!!
I have only been in classes with autism and aspergers, so not too much experience with special ed kids as of yet. But I think you are right, I probably read too much into some things.
He just gets this funny thing where his eyes change - like something happens to him.
I was talking to my nana once about him (love my nana) - she said, 'I knew you would have trouble with him - but I know you loved your partner so I didn't say anything. It's all in his eyes, look there and you'll know his state of mind'.
Thanks for your post!
Thanks - my ss is very
Thanks - my ss is very violent with his siblings and isn't allowed alone with my children at any time. He is more violent with his siblings at BM's house by a long shot - mainly because she can't enforce being alone with her other children all the time. If he lived with us FT I would have left.
The bit that scares me is that he doesn't understand death! But I understand what you are saying.
I don't say sociopath lightly, I have looked it up because he has other problems that lead me that way. I won't get into it because there are so many things. Luckily he doesn't start fires and he is nice to our cat... but he has something mentally wrong with him.
We went to a councillor but his BM is so embarrassed that there is something mentally wrong with her son she lied her way through the whole session and has now refused to see anyone. She also started a Behavioural Science degree, I think to try and help him herself. She will only talk to me about it on the phone for hours and hours (aarrrgghh!!! lol)!
So we will have to take him to the dr I think.
Thanks for the imput though! This is why I love this site!
I disagree completely. While
I disagree completely. While jealousy is a fact of life, psychopathology doesn't necessarily follow your map. This child had been exhibiting extremely disturbing behavior as well as verbalized thoughts of hurting others within both family environments. Get him to a therapist and get him there now.
You wouldn't necessarily know if he's hurt animals, etc. because you're not around him all the time. It took my FDH and I being full-time parents together to get a handle on what was going on with the kids because when he was just parenting or BM was, they didn't have time to notice everything. Turns out, with two parents now, they pull some serious crap that they've gotten away with for a very long time that is now being undone because there are two full-time parents watching and fixing.
Go with your gut. Protect yourself and yours and get this kid some help.
When my ss was 9 he said that
When my ss was 9 he said that he was having command hallucinations to do various things such as burn our house down and such. This went on for a couple a months until it culminated in him coming to me and telling me that he was hearing voices to kill my bs,8. He had a very detailed plan of how he would do it. I was appalled and sent him to his room. needless to say my son slept in my room that night. The next day he came back again and said that he continued to hear voices telling him this and he really did not think he could stop himself. He was hosptialized. About a week after hospitalization, all of his "hallucinations" were not adding up-he'd forget what he told me previously etc so I confronted him and he said he made it all up that he had never heard voices or seen anything that wasnt truly there. I asked him, how he could have made that stuff up about my bs then and his response was, "Oh, I meant that part. I didnt hear a voice telling me to do it-I was just thinking about it alot!" He had been aggressive with the other kids for years-never doing any serious harm but just pushing, hitting, kicking, etc.
Obviously he went to counseling at the hospital-he had been seeing a psychiatrist prior, and had counsseling for about 6 months after and he stills the psychiatrist today. He no longer discussed detailed plans to kill anyone so that's a plus and he is not as aggressive as he used to be-but if he knows no one is watching he still can be. He pushed my dd who was probably 6 at the time off the trampoline a about a year and half ago, but said it was an accident he just ran into her when they were jumping. But about a year ago, i heard him out on the trampoline threatening to push her off again and said, "remember when I pushed you off befoe and you almost broke your arm (it wasnt quite that serious)? And I told everyone it was an accident? It wasn't I did it because I was mad at you and I'll do it again if you don't stop"
My ss is completely devoid of any empathy for anyone. he's a scary young man. He has kept most of his aggression under wraps, but I think its only because he is not here fulltime. He is aggressive at times at bm's house as well-to the point where she has been advised to call the police by health care providers. I would never allow him in my home full time and I always encourage my son to be out of the home visiting friends when ss is here. I try to send my dd over to my parents as much as possible and keep her close by my side. He has never messed with my dd13 as she has always been bigger than him and I think he is a bit intimidated by her.
Anyway, just sharing, but yes, I think you should try to get him into some sort of counseling just so your ss knows that everyone thinks these statements, violent tendencies are problems. I don't know why your ss is the way he is, or if counseling will actually solve any problems, but I do think it will help to let him know that there are lots of people aware of the problem and monitoring him on it.
I wouldn't over react but I
I wouldn't over react but I also wouldn't under react. This young boy needs some help.
Here is a link of an 11 year old who fatally shot his stepmother to be.
http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2009/02/hello-world/
I think we're raising a
I think we're raising a generation of children who will have difficulity seperating fantasy from reality and be unable to interpret emotions from facial expressions and body language.
The results of violence lasts only until reboot.
I'm exagerating somewhat I suppose but sometimes I think I'm glad I won't be around to see how this all turns out.
I am positive of one thing and it was also true of my generation who had a fuzzy TV with 8 channels. You would be better off if there was no TV or computer driven objects in your home or at best only used for homework research. Positive. I've known families who did it and some who are doing it now.
I think I agree with the
I think I agree with the posters who suggested not over-reacting, but being very aware and cautious.
Thanks everyone!! Today he
Thanks everyone!! Today he laughed about how great it would be if both my bk's were beaten up and had to stay in hospital so they wouldn't be here, so I think I will definitely try and find a way to get him to see at least a dr. He needs something!
hismineandours - thanks for your comment, your view sounds the same as mine! In a way I actually feel sorry for BM with this because she has to live with it all day everyday - but she is also making it worse by refusing to admit he has problems and getting him help. SS also has no empathy and is very anti-social, even when he was 2-3 now that I've had my bk's I realise how anti-social he was! And constantly lying - I would say about 98%of the time he is lying for no reason at all.
Orange County Ca - That's funny!! I can only laugh because my partner, mum and fil are all computer nerds lol, my kids have no hope! Don't get me wrong, I am strongly for all children (but especially parents) understanding how to use the internet and computers as they are essential for any future employment. I had both my bk's learning computer skills before they were 2 and they have can just use an i-pad pretty much without help (I can't!). And I tell other parents that if they don't let their kids learn computer basics then they will be disadvantaged when they reach primary school (in our country - I'm a primary teacher and the curriculum has a lot of computer work in it). So I would never recommend not allowing computers even if you don't agree with kids using them as it will disadvantage them later, as every work place has a computer in it.
Thanks again everyone - I will try talking to BM again, and then maybe take his to the dr.
I wouldn't hurt to file a
I wouldn't hurt to file a report with CPS (child protective services) for the state wherever you live. My 8yo SS started saying some strange things, doing some strange things - I don't have bk's, but he was acting out at school - fights, hitting; then wanting to expose himself - so I filed a CPS report, and it made the custodial BF take the SS to a psychologist and things are better since then. We all pay taxes for this stuff - so use it!