Is it OK for Skids that DONT live with you be given house keys to come and go as they like?
I would appreciate what everyone expects their Step Kids to do.....re Entering you and yours Home.
My horrible SS were not living with us and felt they had every right to just walk in the front door or back, anytime they liked to 'pick up' things, or drop round unannounced.
EG....BM would be out in the driveway, dropping off the 2 [tweedle dee and tweedle dum] they would just walk thru the door sometimes come and say hello, other times not....sometimes we didnt even know they were in the house....it could happen whilst DH and my bio kids were having dinner, or whilst I was entertaining guests with DH.....and one time my kids were all watching TV when the two ss bounced thru the front door, stood there and looked in the lounge room, then left again....saying nothing....
So....I told DH I wanted the locks changed as I didnt feel comfortable with kids having keys....irrespective if they lived here or not....(besides they had already given the key to BM many times before for her to go steal things in the house like dinner dishes, blender, clothes, toilet paper etc...)
I also told DH, that if they wanted to come in that they should knock or at least make an announcement as they walked through the door....as I could be running around naked or my daughter could...not expecting people to walk thru the house....
I might add, I think that if they said they will be over at 5pm Friday night..... sure, you can walk straight in the door then....maybe just yell out 'hello'
Anyone else dealt with this, and if you have how did you deal with it.....Ive been told I was a bitch for getting the locks changed and not giving keys to the Skids ....my kids have never had keys to the house....I would be worried they were giving them out to the kids up the street...?
Not on your nelly, to use a
Not on your nelly, to use a British expression! My SDs are inveterate key losers anyway, and even if they weren't, I wouldn't be happy about them (and possibly their mother) having access to our home.
Occasionally, while they are with us EOW, DH will lend one of them his key for a few hours, if there is a logistical problem about them getting back in when we are out, but this happens very seldom.
I agree with you Kes. I will
I agree with you Kes. I will never give my skids a key to our home because whacko BM will make a copy and let herself in. When we were adding an addition to our home BM walked her ass all over our home while we working and the construction crew was busy working on the house! :jawdrop:
Our skids do not have keys to
Our skids do not have keys to the house. At one point they did, but we had to deal with the same issues you've had, plus stealing, hiding out when they should be at school, coming in when they were supposed to be with BM, parties, etc. When the key was taken back from the most troublesome two, they stole it from the youngest and made copies. All locks have been changed now, and only youngest (SS14) comes 50/50. He is handed a key in the morning, and we get it back each night. He's asked for the code to the garage door, but we told him No. We've also told him that he needs to call first if he needs to come by on BM's week.
oh...as for the call first
oh...as for the call first before you come....yeah they did that a few times....to DH who didnt mention anything to me...so I wonder if they really did....
Ours do NOT have keys, nor do
Ours do NOT have keys, nor do they have the code to the garage door. I'm adamant that they are NOT here when DH isn't here, therefore there's no need for them to have free and easy access to our house. My own kids don't have keys (although they know the garage door code).
There have been a few times when they just "showed up" even when they knew their dad was still at work but knew I was home (work from home). I wouldn't answer the door because 1) nobody told me they would be here, and 2) again, if Dad isn't here, they aren't here due to issues that have occurred in the past.
Before DH and I moved into
Before DH and I moved into the house we bought together, we had this conversation. There was no way on God's green earth that SD was getting a key. I justified this by the fact that she was supposed to be with us 1 weekend a month and lives about 4 hours away, what does she need a key for? BM has no respect and I was not going to go away somewhere and come home to find that SD had been dropped on our doorstep, that BM had been in the house or whatever other horror situation was running through my head. There is also the understanding that she will never have alarm codes or anything like that either. I did have to make it all about BM and her crazy to make him really get on board with it though.
Once the kids are old enough
Once the kids are old enough to drive themselves, then maybe. I don't see the point right now, as they're too young and live in another city. I have a key to my mom's house, and it's convenient to stop by every once in a while to pick something up that she left for me on the counter or to see the cats. As long as we don't have trust issues with the kids, it wouldn't bother me. If they stole though, or walked in without a word--NO. Absolutely not, and FDH would back me up.
My cure for that would be sex
My cure for that would be sex in whatever room they walk into when they open the front door. They'd never come in the house without knocking again.
But seriously, no, I wouldn't let them have keys. We ask that the kids let us know when they come to our house on their moms weekend and they live here. They've scared the crap out of us marching in the house at 10 pm when they're supposed to be with their mom.
We have locks that have a keypad and you can program the codes to only work for certain days/times. They also text us when someone comes and tells you who. I highly recommend them.
Wow....they sound
Wow....they sound fancy....where did you get them from...I want some...
Well them SS dont come round here anymore...cos of many reasons...one of them being that they have been told to Knock and their keys dont work anymore....etc ...thats why I was interested in what other people on here thought....
Well....having sex in the room of the door they enter into....hmmm...not thinking that would be comfortable...but my point was always that I could be running from the downstairs bathroom to the upstairs bathroom (or vica versa) looking for toilet paper with no clothes on.....
just totally rude skids who think they can run the world and boss everyone around...and when they dont get their own way they take it out on their father....
Who I might add, is learning to not feel guilty.....I must admit I am somewhat proud of him and I couldnt have done it without this site and all your brilliant suggestions...
My oldest SS(25) has a key to
My oldest SS(25) has a key to the house, he did not have one when he was being a punk, he does not live here but he does help with our cats when we go out of town and he cleans up after himself if he stays over when we are gone. When he was younger (19ish) we had to revoke his key when he was stealing food from the fridge for his mom and leaving messes but he's grown up, He also calls before he enters if he don't see our car and if are car is there he will knock. Youngest SS, we changed the lock when he moved, he's under the impression i have hidden cams in the house (wonder where he'd get that idea LOL) No he will never have a key, he's a druggie and thief, he wouldn't steal food he'd empty out the whole house electronics and all.