Should my DH and the ex slag BM split the costs together on christmas presents for the Ill-Bred spawns ss14 and ss16???
so....its Christmas buying time.....
I would be interested in what you all think about this:
My DH to go halves in a present for his bio sons with his ex the bm bitch?
I myself think its off....but I have seen txts whereby the ILL BRED SPAWN, have requested that their father do just that.....
(mind you these texts are not discussed with me...I have to sneak a look at his phone to view them...and I couldnt see what he wrote back and I very much doubt he would go ahead with it....)
I feel thats not a real Divorce when you do stuff like that....and it certainly dont feel like a real marriage when your husbands halvies with some ex on buying pressies...regardless who the hell it is...
But, whats your views.....???? And how would you bring it up in coversation that you dont want it to occur .... cos I sort of think he will keep this from me for eva....(just a hunch)
I wouldnt in a PINK FIT ask my ex husband to give me money to help me buy a present for his kids...thats his job to cough up go shopping and get his own damn present as far as Im concerned....
yeah but them little shits
yeah but them little shits will not be stepping foot in our place ever again....LONG STORY....But they said things about me, my kids, their father, their fathers sister...etc etc etc....to the extent we all have just cut the ties with them....they are not even welcome into their grandparents house not even for xmas or thanksgiven...
Im still happy to provide them with a present for xmas....but I really dont think it be off their 'wish list' just a mere token in recognition they come from my DH drunken sperm one stupid night....sorry im being a real bitch now....oh well
You know I'm right there with
You know I'm right there with you! I dont have an issue recognizing my stepspawn13 with some sort of token gift-but to get him the PSP he asked for? Cmon-even Santa has a naughty and nice list! SS has been very naughty this year-I think it is ok to give some sort of gift from dh to say, "Hey, your still my son, I care about you, I wish things were different-but they are not. Sorry I didnt get you your hearts desire but I feel like your behavior of the past year did not earn such a gift". That's pretty much the message I think should be sent.
If your dh gets gifts WITH BM and I am presuming they would be nice ones-the message he sends is-"hey, see, I still buy presents with your bm for you even though you shit on me and mine and I got you something really nice because I want you to grow up with a sense of entitlement"
How about asking him, "What
How about asking him, "What are you plans for Christmas gifts for the kids this year?"
^^^^^^ This. I would
^^^^^^ This.
I would definately start questioning DH what his plans were in terms of gift giving and whether he had been contacted by the skids/BM over gift lists etc. Then see what his response would be.
I appreciate that if you and DH have some sort of agreement whereby he doesnt mention the bio monsters much and keeps conversations relating to them to a minimum, only when you NEED to know - but imo this is one of those occasions because it involves money and gift giving to children who have misbehaved. Perhaps DH hasnt mentioned it because 1) he doesnt wish to upset you 2) he hasnt decided himself (although its getting late now).
I dont like lies though, so would expect him to tell me the truth. I would admit to seeing the texts if he doesnt own up anytime soon.
Personally, I think families should keep gift buying separate. Ok, some kids may suggest that dad chips in for something they want especially if that item(s) are expensive and one parent is unable to afford it. If your relationship with BM is good and the skids are reasonable, then that would be something I would consider. However, if not then I dont think its healthy to do this. Plus on top, you mention the skids have misbehaved this year, so I think they have a cheek to actually suggest this to dad. Very self entitled.
Um no. If he wanted to play
Um no. If he wanted to play house with her than he should have stayed married to her. This is opening a can of worms. So what? She decides what to buy them and asks Daddykins politely for half the cash with no input? I don't think so. That privilege went out the door when they separated. Tell him that his "half" can come out of CS.
His gifts come from child
His gifts come from child support thats the whole point of it, to suport the childs needs...talk to him. Kids have a habit pf kissing ass this time of year to get what they want
My SO and BM get along fine
My SO and BM get along fine and co-parent like they should. So in our case, it makes sense that if the skids want something "big", we split the costs in some way.
Before BM moved out of state, we all spent Christmas Eve and morning together. WHAT??
DH and I buy gifts for our
DH and I buy gifts for our house and BM buys stuff for her house. SS6 wakes up with us and opens presents with us in the morning and then goes over to his BM's for the day. We do however inform her of the big presents we buy to make sure no one buys the same gift after all Santa should know better
.
No way. If they split the
No way.
If they split the cost of gifts, that gives BM a say in what he buys. YUCK
I have to snoop at texts too.
I have to snoop at texts too. I hate it.. it's so pathetic sometimes.
I had the same issue too this Christmas. A lot of problems had risen these past two months. MY FDH normally goes over to BM's to do Christmas morning. NOW me and FDH live together, have a tree, decorated for Christmas, all that. PLUS within the past two months BM tried to ruin our relationship by expressing her love for FDH and wanted to work things out again.. When she didn't get her way she turned it onto me by saying they slept together and all this other crap. (Then turns around and calls me the "insecure GF" because I suggested boundaries and no Christmas morning. Uh, wouldn't you suggest major boundary changes too??)
When FDH said he planned on giving BM money to go Christmas shopping I stopped and asked, "Why would you do that?" His response was, "Because that's how it's always been and it's easier." My response, "It's easier? Just ask the kids what they want or talk to BM about what they want and buy it. How's that hard? I always thought going in halves was what married couples did, not divorced people. Just a little weird if you ask me."
But in your circumstance I would pretty much just ask what he plans on doing for Christmas and once it's said that he's going in halves then question him on whether he thinks it's odd he does something that married couples do, not divorced people. Then tell him how you feel. I even told my FDH that I thought he was responsible enough to go pick out gifts for his own kids. I swear sometimes men don't know what to do.
yes....Divorced means no
yes....Divorced means no sharing anything anymore....
I think Men seem to not think 'bitch' when faced with these predicaments....but us women do.....
Men think, 'mmm that sounds like a good idea, saves me going out and buying anything, Ill just give the ex a cheque and my little darlings will be all happy' Saves an argument with the current wife, saves having to discuss it....etc etc etc....
BUT, if they wanna live like this, (still in a pseudo partnership with the ex) then they cant really expect to be with another partner who they can come home to and sleep next to everynight....
As was said earlier post....
You wanna play that with your ex....then STAY SINGLE....
In fact....if Im starting to consider calling up my ex husband and having daily discussions with him...*secretly* as it appears to me that my DH may be doing that.....that should put a stop to the rot!