BM's jealous rage directed at SS10
SS10, which whom I get along, told me that he will make me breakfast in bed for mothers day, he said I am not his mother ( thank god ) but " sort of I am A BIT " LOL and I said that would be cool. SS7, from whom I am completely disengaged because of her behavioral issues, off course immediately told BM that her brother will make me breakfast in bed. She demanded to speak to SD10 and he got yelled and screamed at for 20 minutes on the phone, tons of texting and voice mails followed after. He was crying and I feel terrible for him. Both BM and SS7 ( mini BM ) are so full of rage and jealousy, it is pretty amazing to watch, they literally get eaten from the inside. Both are ugly beyond belief, a deep inner ugliness of character ( well, the outside is no prize either )
Told SS10 not to get upset, he's doing nothing wrong, and just keep trucking.
I LOVE your comment on "free
I LOVE your comment on "free feelings!" I talk with my SD (and my husband) a lot about why people are mad. I honestly believe there is no such emotion as anger. Anger is a secondary emotion to something else, and unless you figure out what that first emotion is (hurt, pain, embarrassment, uneasiness, confusion, whatever), you will forever be an angry person. So when we get mad in our house, we talk about our "first emotion" and that helps calm things down to get over the angry feelings.
Also, to add to your comment about "people who yell are weak." My SD10's BM yells, lots. And it is a habit my SD is learning... I had to ask her why she would want to yell at someone (mainly me or her dad) if she knows that yelling hurts people's feelings... if she would want to purposely hurt someone. She (of course) didn't want to hurt anyone, so that ended the yelling problem.
Sorry, I posted the original
Sorry, I posted the original post and still confused about the abbreviations lol. There is " him, SS10 and HER SD7, who tells BM every single detail that goes on in our house, to the point where she might as well live here , thanks to SD7.
I don't say anything negative about it to SD7, but there ARE consequences. The consequences are that I have disengaged from her completely. I do not want to teach a 7 year old to lie to her mother but at the other hand, I just don't hang out or do much for her at all. She just exists. SS10 is the one who has all the fun with me.
Regarding the abusive phone call, I agree, DH should have taken the phone and ended the call, but he told SS10 to just hang up if he wants to but I guess SS10 was afraid , so he just endured the barrage.
I stay out of all this. I told SS10 he is a good kid and does nothing wrong and whenever he wants to talk to me about it, he can . not worried about him. He is super smart and a few more years, BM has something coming from him if she does not get help. I'm just on the side line watching. If SS10, needs me, I will be there for him.
I am not a "mom." My SD10
I am not a "mom."
My SD10 has been told repeatedly to not call me mom by her BM, because I have no children... I married her dad when she was 7, and she asked me if she HAD to call me MOM. I told her she could call me whatever she wanted to call me, so she calls me by my first name. Totally cool with it. Last year she didn't see me until Father's day weekend (visitation and scheduling), but she gave me a multi-folded, crinkled, obviously shoved in her bag hand-made card, for Mother's day. It was taped down the middle with a red-ish stain on one side.
She told the stain on it was from the trash. She had had to rescue it when her BM threw it away when she'd asked to mail it to me. This card (with dried spaghetti sauce on it) is the most precious thing I own.
It is terrible that your step-kids' BM is doing that. How pathetic that she isn't secure in her own relationship with her kids to be able to appreciate any relationship you could have with them. You will never be there mom (duh), but you can be a mentor, role model, and probably a better parent figure than BM is.
Good luck.