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Bipolar stepson AND mother.......

C.C. 76's picture

I have been with my wife for 5 going on 6 years soon. When I first met her sons, they were wild.... without rules, spoiled, babied both kids were very young at this time and she was going through a divorce. Every time the oldest would come around I would get nervous. You could see a gleam of evil in this child's eyes. Something wasn't right about him from the start. He broke things intentionally, caused trouble, cried if someone corrected him you name it! Mom always rocked him and told him it was ok OR she would just pack the kids up and abruptly leave my house if I told her son he couldn't play with my breakables. This has carried on for years. The child is ADHD... threatened suicide if he got in trouble, hallucinates (or makes this shit up) lies, steals, stuffs his face without permission... has mental breakdowns when he has sugar, bullies other children but gets upset if he's bullied. Manipulates you NAME it, sneaks around his grandparents at night eats candy cookies ice cream then when we get him back he's a smart ass, backtalk's and mom lets him get away with it... if it's me. If it's her, she gets on to him. Mom and him FEED off of one another. Recently he was diagnosed bipolar (which I have been saying this EVER since I met this child) oh but mom didn't want to listen. She never listens to me. She reminisces about her ex, she babies her oldest son who looks JUST like daddy. The ex has moved on with his life and even his new family makes fun of her son for being babied by his mother. For Christs sake the child doesn't even know how to brush his teeth of keep his shoes tied!!! He is officially 13 however acts like a retarded 2 year old. Seriously, I believe he is mentally retarded. He starts crap between his mother and I constantly. If I say something is how it is, he will go and look it up and try and prove me wrong in front of his mom. He also smacks and instead of cutting his food with a knife he uses his fingers. Completely LAZY and mom lets him do it. ALL of it. I am constantly trying to teach him manners, not to be lazy, to work for what he wants... he doesn't have ONE chore. Not ONE he can at least do by himself. He's 13 and still goes to daycare. The other child is almost perfect. Does everything he is told and does not back talk. I resent the 13 year old... I wish he wasn't around or would go live with his dad but even his own FATHER doesn't want him around. Mom is NEVER consistent with any of the rules. If he threatens to commit suicide to get out of punishment mom jumps up and says "I CANT MY BAY HURT HIMSELF!!!!" master manipulator. Living with 2 bipolar people is too much for me. In more recent times, my wife treats me like shit but just ooohhhs and aaahhhs and her bratty little evil child. Spoiled f****n rotten and purposely disobeys her and the rules. Fights her at bedtime to go to bed and she gives in. Or he will pull some s**t like he's had a hallucination and momma lets him stay up... cuddles him and talks words of love. No one else in the house gets that treatment, not even the little one. The minute the little one does something wrong he's in IMMEDIATE trouble. I's starting to think this mom is in love with her own son and I have come to almost despise BOTH of them. I don't know what to do!!!! Don't suggest talking either because there is no talking to my wife... like her son, she's always right.

4teenagegirls2SDs's picture

Wow I'm sorry for this situation you're in man. My SD is bipolar as well & it's no picnic for sure. No support from your wife & she doesn't listen? She needs a wake up call. DISENGAGE from him(look it up). Start there & if nothing comes of that..... I don't know. Come back with an update for more advice. Hang in there!!

C.C. 76's picture

I love my wife and this would be devastating to my life and lively-hood. Even though I have those feelings of despite towards her, it's mainly because of the son. I don't want to leave her because of a bratty little entitled a**hole child. I feel it will get worse and instead of him carrying on and becoming his own person, either he will be too lazy to do so, become a felon or she wont let him go. I'm terrified of my future life with him in it! It's not fair I let him win over me!!! AGGGHHHHH

C.C. 76's picture

4teenagegirls2SDs, I will certainly look that up. Thank you... yes it has been a long row to hoe for me however I don't want to give up and waste 5 years of my life because of him. No, she's not consistent on how she makes him behave at all. At times I feel she doesnt correct him on purpose to upset me more than I already am... then I feel like I am being ganged up on and he gets worse.

Last In Line's picture

You won't have wasted 5 years of your life, but you'll waste the upcoming ones if you continue to allow this relationship to survive in the current state. You can look back on your invested time as time spent learning. Now, you have no excuse. Now you know you're in a bad relationship, with people who treat you horribly.

4teenagegirls2SDs's picture

Good luck! & don't give up. I'm not going to pretend I know enough about your relationship enough to tell u to leave. Seems that's the 1st reaction people have. It's marriage, not a country club! If your wife loves you & you both want to work it out you've succeeded in 1/2 the battle. Tell her your true feelings. Better to try & fail than to never try at all. It'll feel good to get it all off your chest.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

She reminisces about her EX??? This would be THE reason I would get out of a relationship. You need to love yourself more.

Is_What_It_Is's picture

5 years "wasted" is nothing compared to the rest of your life dealing with this crap. You said it yourself, there is no talking - she is always right.

The problem isn't your SS per se, it is your wife. She's always right? Reminisces about her EX?

Chalk it up to 5 years learning a lesson, one not to be repeated, and move on to the future - hopefully without the drama.

C.C. 76's picture

Yeah, she talks about how "I wonder if him and I would have remained friends if we never married" or texts him out of the blue about "the kids" for no reason even though he never asks once how they are, doesn't get them much as far as his time sometimes he goes months without seeing them. He's still her prince I guess. Of course she denies it. Whatever.... I did have something, but that something is gone. Now, is just a shell. Remember, she's bipolar... times can be great, then in a swift second change to a nightmare. That's medicated too!

misSTEP's picture

You say it is mostly your oldest SS that you can't stand but you love your wife. Yet, when you are posting things that bother you, there are many instances that have NOTHING to do with your SS. This is besides the poor parenting.

-Reminiscing about the ex: only the most narcissistic or completely clueless person would do that in front of their CURRENT partner!
-she would just pack the kids up and abruptly leave my house if I told her son he couldn't play with my breakables: very emotionally manipulative. You said something reasonable and she reacted like you called her a c u next tuesday.
-She never listens to me
-my wife treats me like shit
-there is no talking to my wife... like her son, she's always right
-she doesn't correct him on purpose to upset me more than I already am

Bipolar or not. Medicated or not. Your wife has very dysfunctional and abusive relationship patterns and she is teaching them to her oldest.

This is the BEST the rest of your life will be. Can you live with that? Why would a person WANT to live with that? What would you tell your best buddy if you went out for a few beers and he told you this story about his own woman?