Step mom calls biomom....me.....
X's GF (kids step-mom) called me out of the blue last night to discuss my son's Christmas concert plans. X is out of town....this week.
In the past..we go to the day-time performance because our schedule's are more flexible...and it is less crowded. Giving thier Dad..and GF last year..the evening tickets....
We were going to go to both ... because I believe he should have 'his people' in the audience when he performs and not strangers.... and it just didn't occur to me that she would go without thier Dad.
So she calls to tell me she's going and wants to video it for his Dad since he's going to miss it..and said she can pick him up and drive him too......and wanted to confirm the time etc. GREAT!!!
I'm having some difficulties with him at school last week..so she asked 'what..if you don't mind me asking?"
I don't mind one single bit......filled her in. Told her how I'm handling it...she agrees with my approach. (She's a teacher so I appeciate her opinion and her support) I can't have these converstions with his Dad...we barely speak. We just set each other off.
I did speak to him on Friday...we co-operated...it made me nervous. He has his lawyer appointment on Friday as well...so the timing is kindof suspect.
Regardless...I appreciate the fact that she is going to support my son's first band performance...on her own...and not just to keep thier Dad company.. I think it shows a genuine regard for my children and appreciate the fact that she called me and made the arrangements directly rather than going through the kids as he does. ANd we can always chat together..we stay off touchy subjects...but as people we get along. and seem to have similar values & sense of humour..
I can't help but wonder if she went through the same dilemma as some of the other step-moms before picking up the phone....
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That is great! It was all
That is great! It was all possible b/c of the type of mother you are and the type of woman she is…it is wonderful that the two of you can come together in support of the child. I’m sure it will make your son feel good too, like you said, he will know that she is there for HIM and not his dad!
Make a GREAT Day!
Good to hear
That sounds very positive! I'm glad to hear that you two had such a good conversation.
Also, like Nise said, it will make you son feel good too.
Good for you!!
Dawn
So happy..
So happy to hear good stories from bio-moms instead of the constant bad. Nice to see a biomom who's at least trying to do the right thing.. My only experiences are negative.. with a selfish bm who I honestly think doesn't really and truely understand the concept of being a parent. I know she loves her girls.. but not enough to put their needs before her own.. and that's pretty damn sad. You've given me hope that it isn't always like this.. that somewhere out there are bm's and sm's that have a reasonable if precarious relationship.. one that benefits the kids all the way around.
stepup
This is what I want!
This is what I would love to have with my skids' mother! I think we've had one pleasant conversation in five years. Usually, our conversations go like this:
Phone rings, I answer.
Me: Hello?
Her: Launches into tirade.
Me: Well...
Her: Interrupts to continue tirade.
Me: But...
Her: Expletive, then continues tirade.
Me: Click.
~ Anne ~
How awesome for your son:)
My dh has a hard time speaking with his ex gf...so he always asks me to do the talking, and she feels more comfortable speaking with me too. I don't really mind talking to her, sometimes when I do speak with her, I feel like I have a better understanding of the real problem, and I can either cope/solve it better, than if I get relayed info from dh. He blocks out a lot of what she says, so sometimes he misses important info.
It is great when all the parents can get a long, and do joint events. We often do for birthdays and whatnot, and during sporting and school events, we will even sit together. SS does feel important when there are people in the crowd supporting him, and it is totally for their benefit.
I'm really glad that your ex found someone that cares for his children, and wants to support him being the best dad he can be. Your kids are really lucky! Thanks for sharing;)
Very promising...but a caveat
This is a wonderful way to cultivate a good relationship and hence a good example for the children! Based on my own personal experience, which is very similar to yours, I would caution you to make sure that your X stays involved and is the primary communicator with you regarding these types of issues...I too began with the SM commnicating occasionally regarding times of activities, etc., but then the whole situation evolved into her being a horrible control freak, my X not ever being the one to communicate with me, and my X and his wife minimizing my role as a parent and refusing to communicate with me at all if I even so much as raised concern or wished to express my opinion on the raising of MY son, even if it was in the most positive and non-threatening way possible. I even voiced my concern to my X that it was OK for her to be supportive and help out and I appreciated that, but he needed to be the primary voice in the dynamic and it was never appropriate for her to disrespect me. If she had not been so depracating and disrespectful of me, I might have felt differently, but she tried to make me feel inferior and that she knew it all when it came to parenting. Since your SM is a teacher and you seem to have a good relationship and she doesn't seem like the controlling type, I think you'll be just fine. Mine started off fairly positive, but she made remarks early on that made me scratch my head as to whether she was going to "allow" my X to do the parenting of his own child. I think as long as your X stays involved and does not relegate all of the communication to her, it will be fine...otherwise, there is a risk of miscommunication and resentment on both sides. But again, it sounds like your SM is not the controlling type. Your husband is lucky to have you! and it is always nice to hear when everyone puts the children first and can lay aside their differences just for a few moments.