5 Year old ss ruining my marriage
My husband and I have been together for two years. The BM is bipolar and addicted to drugs. When she was married to my husband she let my SS then 2 1/2 do whatever he wanted. he has lived with us for 2 years and he is ruining us. He didn't have rules and i insist on them. he curses me throws things and throws up his food at least once a night because i make him eat it. SS has supervised visits with BM once a week he calls me mom but after SS sees BM he calls me by name and is so mean to me anytime he wants something or is told no he will scream and cry until he gets it or throws up from crying. he will ask his dad for something knowing i said no but hubby not knowing and then come tell me he got it, when my hubby and i argue he laughs and smiles and says thank god my dad is finally gonna leave you. he also tries to get us to fight with one another and is overjoyed when we do. i have never hurt him and am always trying to get him to like me, but he says the only way he will love me is if i let him do what he wants and if i buy him things. it doesn't help that every week BM brings him toys and we leave them there because that is why he goes there. we also just had a baby 3 weeks ago and SS hasn't made that easy either. he is great with the baby but whenever my hubby holds the baby he will do whatever and i mean whatever it takes to cause my hubby to put her down and tend to him. I am at my ropes end my hubby always says he that my SS will come around and grow to love me but its been 2 years and its as bad as day 1 sorry its so long i hope someone can help thanks..evilstepmom23
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I don't really have experience with this situation, but...
It sounds to me like your hubby needs to take some responsibility here. He needs to set the rules, enforce the rules, etc. This should not be something you do ( I understand you are doing it out of neccessity, but it's his responsibility!), as it only creates more negative feelings on the part of step-son. When it comes to the new baby...that should be included in the rules...maybe something like
"When daddy is spending time with the baby you are not allowed to interrupt". He should, however, be rewarded for following the rules with special time with dad (to make sure that he isn't being left out. I think that once he sees that time will be made for him after dad spends his time with the baby, he may not act out as much). Just a few thoughts. And he needs consequences for when he doesn't mind you or dad, when he interrupts with the baby, and definitly when he disrespects you. There is no reason that he should be allowed to say such nasty things to you.
At any rate, you guys need to be a united front (or at least look like one to ss). He seems to be finding where you guys aren't united and using to drive a wedge in between you. The only solution is to united, in terms of what you expect from him and his behavior. Until you can both agree on this stuff, ss will more than likely continue to use it against you both.
db
Dad Needs to Step In
When I first met my SD and SS they were pretty wild and did what they wanted to do. You see their Mom abandoned them just a couple of years before and left the country and them behind. She came back after a couple of years demanding custody and so my husband was afraid to discipline them at all.
I came along and didn't let them get away with a thing even though I was just dating their Dad at the time. I raised my own sons as a single parent so there was no way I was going to let 2 young ones dictate to me as an adult. You would think they would have resented me but they really became close to me immediately. I think they really missed a mother figure. What I am trying to say is don't allow the boy to mistreat you at any cost. I have never once spanked them because I don't believe in spanking however I did show the kids who is boss. My husband stood by me and made sure if they said something ugly to me he would have a very firm talk with them and if they continued they would be grounded. One advice I can give you is never show this 5 year old that he hurts you with his words. He will manipulate you by being mean because he knows you care. I did the same with my SD when she was 6 because the BM was filling her head up with a bunch of crap that wasn't true and she in turned got attitudes and temper tantrums because of it. My husband let her know to cut out the bad behavior because I wasn't going away. It did stop and my SD and I love each other dearly. She knows I never tried to replace her Mom but that I am here for her.
my fat ass
i read what you havd last night and i am sorry about all the trouble you are having the problem is my husband wont follow through with disiplain he always says if you do it again no tv but he does it and what do you know ss is watching tv so i say uhh isnt he grounded and hubby says oh yah i forgot and then says NO TV and that gets ss going and looking at me like i am the devil he also calls me a fat ass and tells me to join a fat girl club and then says hurry ..but you might be to fat he also went to school and told his whole class that his sm has the biggest ass in the world when he says this i start to cry and all hubby does is have a little talk and then says he is gonna ground and ss starts to cry and says he doesnt care about hurting me he is crying because he wants to watch tv i am running out of energy
Tabasco anyone????
OMG!! I can't believe your step son says such horrible things to you and gets away wtih it with his dad!!! How old is the lil dumpling? (I refer to my step brat at times as the 'lil dumpling" because she was and has been dumbed onto me.)
Maybe you should put some tabasco sauce in his cerial tomorrow morning!! LOL....
My Fat Ass too
Yeah the BM is much thinner than I am and yeah the skids did make fun of my ass being bigger when I first met them. I think they called me squishy butt. Well I flat out told them I am proud of my fat butt. I earn it and worked hard for it LOL. Well nothing more was said to me. It did bother me at first but then I saw a pic of the BM and put it this way....I may be fat but she is ugly both inside and out and I can lose the weight
Well if you don't show it bothers you then believe me it will stop.
The discipline thing with the DH will never work out if he doesn't stand up and take control. My husband knows if he doesn't stand up for me the next time I will leave the situation because I am fed up with my feelings placed in last place cause he wants to be the good guy. Your SS is 5 years old. Your husband may not like it but I would demand respect from him even if you have to get in his little face and let him know you aren't going to put up with it. Don't let the 5 year old be abusive to you. I flat out told mine I didn't care if they liked me or not but the WILL respect me and acted like stone. It is hard because like you I loved them but their Mom was messing with their head. They are very close to me now and they do respect me.
I am so sorry this boy is treating you like this. I know how you feel.
Boy can I relate..
Boy can I relate..Same here...The BM is bipolar and an addict..She has had no contact with the step brat for 6 years. Not even so much as a xmas card..So guess who gets "the pleasure" of raising the lil dumpling? Her dad? His parents? Nope...yours truley.
I was "blessed" with the step brat when she was just barly past her fourth birthday. And she was exactly and sounds exactly like the SS evil step mom has described..I have been through all of this and more..She is now 10 and a half..And it hasn't gotten any better..It's honestly to the point that I have become totally indifferent towards her..to be honest..I just want her gone..
Anything I have ever done to try to correct her or disipline her is undermined, overrulled and undone by her father..Because he is to busy feeling sorry for her to be a parent to her..Now she is in the fourth grade and he wonders why she brings home all F's on her report card..(Because he allows her to do so with out correction..)
For me, evilstepmom, I have had to totally detach. As harsh as it sounds I ignore her as much as I possibly can.. I keep my conversations with her very short and as YES OR NO as I possibly can..I no longer attempt to correct or punish her..And I know longer allow her father to put me in the position of being "the bad guy".
I don't deal out her punishment and I don't correct her anymore or enforce her punishments. I wish that I could tell you that things are going to get better...I wish I could offer some encouraging words..But I just had to let the step brat be whatever she is gonna be and focus on myself and my kids..
It feels so good to hear
It feels so good to hear that I am not the only one. I have begun to detatch but its so hard when I do love him. I feel bad but sometimes i just wish he would go away and i get so mad at bm because if she wasent like this then he could live with her. I know he knows what he is doing children are much smarter them we give them credit for thank you i am sorry you are having this problem but it feels good to know i am not the only one who is truley fed up with a child
Same here. My biggest
Same here. My biggest resentment against "the BM" is that she is such a lame mother that I have her "dumpling" 24/7/365. Frankly, I think it would do "Lil Miss Thang" (my step brat) a world of good to go live with her mom, from car to car, for a while and see how good she has it under my roof!
I guess the biggest difference between you and I is that you do have love for your SS. I don't for my step brat. I don't love her. I don't like her..To me, at the point I have reach, she is a necessary nuisance and irritant, if I want to try to work out my marriage.. I honestly am to the point that I don't care if she lived in a car with her mother anymore..
I simply just don't care about her..It's not for lack of trying to like or love her at one point..I tried so hard that I just reached the total burn out point..She made loving or liking her impossible. Actually, if I had my way, DH would just let his parents have her and adopted her like they did their oldest Grand daughter...They want her and think she is the cutest thing that ever walked the earth. (Cute...like terminal cancer in my opinion) They have tried to kidnap her...They think she is God in the flesh and should be worshipped and catered too..
So for me..His parents want her..I say let them have her..Because I certianly don't want her and I sure don't want DH's responsibilities of rasing her. He wants her to live with him he just wants someone else to deal with the daily parental responsibility of her..And that is dumped onto me...
Yes children are much smarter then they are given credit for..Much smarter then many adults and typically both their biological parents. I always have to laugh when people say "well they are just children" or about how they are "innocent"...
My pat response is typically..take my step brat for a month and get back to me on that....She is as innocent as the devil himself and about as evil as far as I am concerned..
If you give your step brat the power to come between you and your husband and to destroy your marriage..HE WILL...That is why I say Don't let him..
FED UP WITH IT ALL
i know exactly how all you guys feel. i have a 4&1/2 yr old SD and she is driving me to a point i don't want to go. first, she's not even potty trained right, she'll pee herself then keep playing like it never happened. one day she even did it while eating dinner. how lovely! next she can't speak at the level of a 4 yr old, more like a one yr old, and it's not because of no one trying to teach her, she'd just rather not, she feels as if it keeps her close to my husband if she's helpless. finally, she doesn't like me at all, when i tell her to do something, she rolls her eyes, might even say now, then run to my husband. i'm fed up, so when she pees herself, i leave her like that in her room until her daddy figures it out. i don't buy anything such as candy, toys, or treats.. onlythe necessities. my husband thinks i'm too strict, but truth is, i have tried so hard to like the lil brat, but she refuses, so as mean as it sounds, i just shun her away! she doesn't respect me and i'm not begging a 4 year old for anything. but he lets her run his life and every decision. but as for me, i just let it go, and her too. right now he's w/o work!! so tell me who has the upper hand. so she can sta8ing up or go back to be with her mom, whom by the way lives in very bad public housing. oh by the way.. i'm a senior enlisted nco in the military. so she has it good here, but she can always go back to where she came from.
You better pray your command
You better pray your command doesnt find out that youd leave a four yo baby in wet pants. A child that young does not have the ability to meet your ridiculous expectations. I hope your husband takes that "upper hand" and... well, never mind. I hope you straighten up because you sound like one person who should not be in a parental role with a child.
fed up with it all
first of, you try changing a 4 yr old every time she pees herself! second, its not like he's not at home when she does it! he's jobless, i just dont change, you act as if i'm the only on e at home or something. i was just saying, that when i ask why she does it, she tells me cause she wanted her daddy, or because she wanted to. so how am i wrong, beside, i'm pregnant with my child, so you need to str8ing up. maybe you should have read the whole thing first. and a child that will be 5 in less than 4 months does have the ability to meet my expectations. am i asking too much for her to go across the hall to the restroom or show some manners towards me? and for your info, i rasied my sister's child from age 6months til he was 4... never had a problem, this sd does what she does out of spite. but thanks for your un-concern.
fed up with it all
I GUESS KNOW IT ALL (YOU BETTER PRAY YOUR COMMAND) HAS NOTHING ELS TO ADD AFTER SHE KNEW THE WHOLE STORY. BUT ANY WHO, ANY ONE GOT ANY IDEAS OR EXPERIENCE FOR MOTHER'S DAY, TECHNICALLY, THIS IS MY FIRST ONE, BUT I DON'T WANT TO CELEBRATE BECAUSE I'M NOT HER MOM. OH YEA, AND THE POINT SHE FREAKIN' HATES ME! BUT I AM EXPECTING MY FIRST CHILD........... ANY POINTERS ANYONE!
did you try using the
did you try using the naughty spot technique that we see on tv show super mom? both you and your husband needs to lay down the rules and punish when ever possible. needs consistency. if that doesn't work have you consulted w/his pediatrician?
-happy mom