Did I do the right thing? Someone please tell me I didnt to a bad thing here....

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I have battled with the idea of formally apologizing to my ex's parents for years as they were people that I really loved and cared for. They showed up to my daughters Christmas concert tonight and I started to talk to my ex's mom while she waited for her ride to pick her up. All of a sudden I gave her a hug to say happy holidays, completely forgetting that we weren't family anymore. I couldn't help it, I loved her like a mother for ten years and its been five years since my ex and i were together. Ill note that we are both happily married to other people now and that we have very good relationships with each other for the sake of our children but to this day I regret not reconciling with his parents because they were so good to me and when my ex and I split things just never were the same and I knew that I hurt them dearly because they really loved me too. SO tonight I found my ex MIL and I sent her a big letter apologizing...now weather or not that was a bad thing I don't know I just couldn't keep my feelings in anymore about how sorry i was for hurting them and how i do miss them. i know that things will never be the same but i wish i could rebuild some sort of relationship with them. has anyone else ever experienced this? am i nuts, i'm hoping that she doesn't say anything to my ex's new wife cause she is really jealous over the fact that my ex and I get along so well. here is a copy of the letter that I sent tonight...someone please tell me that I wasn't crazy for this...

I just wanted to send you a small message to say Merry Christmas to you and Murray. It was really nice seeing you both tonight at Payton's Christmas concert she talked about it all the way home. It was really nice being able to catch up with you a small bit and I wish that I saw you both around more because I really miss being able to talk to you two. I apologize because thats my fault and I've never wanted to over step any boundaries or make anyone feel uncomfortable about my presence. I have wanted to apologize for years to you and Murray about what happened between Ron and I and how I hurt you both and I hope that you'll give me the chance to now. First and foremost, you and Murray were always good to me and you always treated me like gold and I know that I broke your heart when I left. When you came for coffee with me at Sears when things were there roughest, I knew that it was going to be the last time I ever got to really talk to you and there was a lot that I wish I could have said but never did. I have lived with my unsaid apology for years because I just never knew how to approach either of you after things fell apart between Ron and I. Ron and I have worked really well on keeping a good relationship going and I thank you for that Patty because I remember you telling me about things not worth fighting about and I've kept that advice close to my heart. I regret not being able to have any sort of relationship with you or Murray after my leaving and when I heard that you got sick I was heartbroken and so scared for you. I wanted to call or send a card or come see you but I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable because things were settled between everyone and I didn't want to cause anyone any grief, but that was selfish on my part because I should have contacted you. I thought about you a lot and I am so glad that you are doing better. (Thats why I needed to give you the hug tonight, I'm sorry if it took you by surprise but I just couldn't hold it in.) You and Murray were my family for a lot of years and it was very hard for me to lose you as people that I really loved and cared for. I am so sorry for any hurt or grief that I caused you during that time or any time after that for that matter. Just know that I am really happy that you are doing better and that Murray is doing good too. I am also extremely happy for Ron and Mel and their family. His happiness is very important to me still. I just never had a chance to ever talk to you both one on one to give you my apology face to face but I hope that you'll accept this as my effort to do so. I know that things will never be what they were between us, but maybe one day you'll let me buy you a cup of coffee and I could tell you I'm sorry in person. I really miss talking to you Patty and again I'm so very sorry for everything in the past thats happened. Like I said I don't want to make anything uncomfortable for anyone I just wanted to apologize to you and Murray and hope that one day you'll give me the oppritunity to earn your trust and friendship back.

Thank you for taking the time to read my e-mail. I'm sorry that I didn't have your formal e-mail to send this to. I hope you have a Happy Holidays.

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thanks to all who read this and respond, im really hoping that she doesnt get the wrong impression like im trying to start trouble, i just really am hoping to rebuild a relationship with her.

I'm still close to my younger

I'm still close to my younger brother's ex. I've always warned him to be careful who he brought into my life, because he can vote them out of his life but only I can vote them out of mine. It bugs his new GF but I don't really care. XGF did nothing but show me kindness and friendship. Why would that change?

As long as you're not pulling

As long as you're not pulling any crazy BM stunts like trying to insist that you are the one and only DIL, there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't have a relationship with your child's grandparents.

I think you were very reasonable. Depending on your exIL's reaction, you can begin to rebuild that relationship. If they don't respond let it lie; if they do, perhaps you can set up something like a coffee date out in town every couple of months to start. That wouldn't infringe on your ex's new wife's relationship with her ILs - you're not expecting to be part of the family, you're maintaining a respectful relationship with people whose company you value.

Good luck.

I am glad to still be known

I am glad to still be known as Aunt "insert my name here" to my daughters' cousins.

I have a shaky relationship with my ex's family, but we still share stories about each others families like old times. My ex and I attend events for my daughters at the same time, and even sit together. We are also in committed relationships. We are friendly with each others SO.

I think it is a GOOD thing to be like this. It shows the kids that you can still be cordial to people that use to be a bigger part of your life.

I also saw my Ex MIL as a mother, a deranged one, but a mother none the less. I still do sometimes. Not nearly as often though. She just turned 60 and I was a little sad I was not at her party, but I understand. My girls were, and that is what matters!

I am friended on FB with my Ex SIL.

I definitely think you are doing a good thing!

I think that's great - only

I think that's great - only because I believe that you meant it.

Our BM tried a similar thing with my MIL, but she didn't mean it. When SD was in the hospital after having an emergency c-section when she was 16, MIL ran into BM when coming to visit.

According to MIL, BM started talking about how much she missed having her in her life and BM always felt like MIL was still part of her family and that SD and SS miss seeing her as much and BM wants MIL to come around anytime she can.

Sounds good, right? Except MIL said that many, many times she tried to visit SD and SS either over at BMs or by offering to babysit them or take them shopping. BM would always act like it was a great idea but "conveniently" not be at home or not answer the phone or generally be MIA when the actual time came around.

MIL did go over to BM's once to see the baby (BM refused to let people see SD's baby unless they went to BM's house to do it) and she said that it was the most uncomfortable experience she has had. Her husband is nervous around BM because of her tendencies to explode in rage with little or no warning. And I guess that BM and her fiance at the time were arguing the whole time. MIL said it was very awkward and at the end, BM suggested that SD and SS went to MIL's place next time if they wanted to visit!

Once again - I THINK YOU ARE SINCERE - I think our BM is nuts and believes her own lies.

It took a lot for me to write

It took a lot for me to write that email to her, my hands literally shook the entire time but I knew that this was the right time to do it. Her and I were best friends for years and i broke her only child's' heart by not staying with him through his rage. I always hoped that we could at least remain friends but his parents of course would have to side with their son. not to mention he has a new wife now and i didn't want to go stepping on any toes. in fact i'm not even asking that my ex knows about this i dont want his wife flipping out like i'm trying to pull some stunt...lol them maybe she'll post it on here. This is in no way trying to reconnect with my ex, but to try to rebuild a relationship with his parents. After he and I broke up his mom got cancer and not being able to talk to her or do something for her broke my heart everyday, but she pulled through it and is doing really good. so when i saw her at the christmas concert and she was talking to me about her work and how tired she was, i just hugged her. it totally took her by surprise, it took me alittle by surprise too but i still love her and want things to be ok for her. Im really hoping that she takes my letter and reads it, i really miss her being a part of my life.

When I got divorced (now

When I got divorced (now remarried to dear DH), I lost all contact with EX's mother and siblings. When we first were having trouble and I called in his brother to help (my EX was deep in debt and not working on getting out), it took six months for him to respond. I wasn't impressed. A couple of years after I married DH, I felt the need to write to EX's mother and thank her for being so good to my girls. They were not EX's and she accepted them like her own grandchildren. I then heard from one of her daughters about how blessed she was by that. The woman is well over 80 and I'm glad I did it.

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