Double standard
ok so in the divorce papers it states that no overnight visitors are allowed unless they are family members. My bf and i have been living together for 4 years and the sks have never stayed overnight with us EVER! They either sleep at his mom's or we take them back to bm. Well she finally has found herself a guy that has been divorced since Oct. Well when we took them back home Sunday night a work van and his personal jeep was there. HMMMMM bf asked if he was staying there and all3 yelled "NOOOOO" at the same time.
At 12:15 both the van and the jeep were still there! This new guy lives an hour away from where bm lives. And from the city he lives in he works about an hour and a half away. I do not think there is any way that guy left and drove home. We think he stayed there overnight and I don't think this is the first time. When bf asked his oldest Monday night what time he left she told him about 11. Of course catching her in another serious lie in a few months did not sit well with daddy! He told her that he saw both of his cars there and that he did not leave at 11. She stuck to her story. He could hear BM yelling in the background that it didn't matter if he left at 2, 4, or 6. Excuse me??? You have made our lives pure hell for 4 years and never let them sleep under the same roof as me - even on vacation (they have to stay with bf's mom)!! And now that you have found yourself a passive little idiot YOUR rules do not apply to you.
This is also a bm that has told her children that she would never date or get married because they were enough for her. This is the 4th man she has been involved with since the spring. She wants people to think that she is lily white does no wrong is in church evertime the door is open. She tries to turn her kids, and everybody in town against bf and me. Now it appears that she has taught her kids to flat out lie to cover up for her.
I call BS!!!!!!!!!!! Anybody had to deal with this? I'm sure that some of you have. How did you all handle this? BTW, the kids are SD, SS9, and SD8
I deal with double standards
I deal with double standards with BM all the time. Also with SD. BM went to family court and had the judge say that I could not discipline her child AT ALL. The stupid judge put that in the paperwork-that's kind of difficult when SD lives here. At the same time she allows her boyfriend to discipline SD and he has even threatened to bash SD's head off the wall. BM is completely okay with this. My SO did bring it up in court and he did get the judge to put in the paperwork that BM's boyfriend cannot be left alone with SD. At one point there WAS an order stating that neither party could have overnight guests (this was BM who got the court to issue this order) but, BM had overnight visitors ALL THE TIME! There are so many more double standards I can list but I don't have that kind of time.
What does bf want as a
What does bf want as a result? Does he want more time with the kids? Overnights at your house? I totally get that she is being a two-faced whack job. If bf wants the kids to spend the night at your house, he should hire a PI to document her overnight visitors and then file in court and ask for what he wants (more time?) or to eliminate the "no overnight guest" rule.
Do not ask the kids what time bf left. Do not put them in the middle (no matter how much mom tries to shove them there). Since they are already involved due to her lying, I would suggest that bf sit down with them and tell them that they do not have to "tell" on their mom, that her friends are her business and that he will never get mad at them for anything mom does. He should reassure them that if something is happening at moms, school, anywhere that hurts or scares them, he wants them to tell him so he can keep them safe. Then he should never ask them, or in front of them, about moms activities.
(Expect the kids to wonder why living with you in an unmarried situation was more important than having them spend the night with daddy. And why you couldn't spend the night elsewhere so they could have an overnight with daddy. Trust me, mom is selling it to them that way.)
We are engaged but we cannot
We are engaged but we cannot marry because we both work at the same place and there is a company rule against it. All bf wants is for everything to be fair. And after years of her flat out making sure the divorce decree was followed exactly as they were written, now she says it's ok for her to do whatever but not us.
I'm fine with them not sleeping here. At this point I would like to see less and less of them. Along with them comes drama drama and more drama. BM and Bf will never get along and it is a constant stressful war. To me it's not worth it but they aren't my kids. If they start to be here more, there will be more rules. Let's start with if you make a mess - clean it up! All of them are old enough for that I think.
Is it better to leave things as they are and just let her do whatever she wants and we have walk a chalk line? I just want people to know that she is not an angel and all the crap she has been saying is just that - crap