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OK here goes needing advice

limesup's picture

ok so I have been with my SO for almost 3 years - engaged since Christmas. He has 3 kids - 13 yo girl, 9 yo boy, and an 8 yo girl. Everything was great as far as my relationship with them until recently. Now the BM nobody gets along with her! The 13 yo let's call her no hope - has been issue after issue lately. It started with a boyfriend she had that got caught with pot in his closet after she had been in her mom's car with this guy ALL ALONE! Even when friends of BM told her that they saw them, no hope said it wasn't true and BM let it go no questions asked. Well, she was basically forced to dump him. Since then it has been downhill.

She wanted me on her fb page, so I accepted, but I did share things with her dad that I thought he should know. The BM and my SO's mom seem to have their heads in the sand. No hope also talked to me and asked me questions that she should have been asking her mom, but she said that BM will not talk to her.

She also has a friend that I think is not a very good influence either. No hope thinks her mom has a boyfriend. Good guess because he was at ball games, goes to their church, and his car has been seen at her house when we have the kids (EOW). She is not liking it at all! She asked me what I thought. Her friend said it was probably just a booty call. Now for 13 year olds I was prepared to hear that! I bascially said that whatever BM did on her time was her business. Well, 2 weeks later I get text messages from BM telling me she didn't appreciate me telling no hope that she was having sex with the guy! I tried to explain to her that I did not say that, but she wasn't hearing that. She did tell me that she hopes the next ten years go by fast for me.

So when we went on vacation, no hope wanted to ride with me in the car just us two. ok no problem. The week after we got back, here we go! I had noticed some videos on fb that no hope and her loser friend posted and yes one was to the pothead ex boyfriend. BUT no hope has another boyfriend now and get this he is good friends with her ex. These kids nowdays.

SO I noticed one day that I wasn't on her fb anymore. I asked SO about it. He texted her and she said she didn't know anything about it. He was actually made at me! I tried to tell him that deleting somebody on there was not that easy, but then just dropped it. I blocked her number and their home number from my cell. I would have blocked BM's but I don't know her number. No hope sent her dad a text and asked him to send it to me because she couldn't from her phone(wonder why??) It was telling she didn't so it didn't know anything about it She Swore she didn't. Later that night I get text messages from BM telling me she did it, she doesn't want me on there, I am pushing her to hard and me and SO make her miserable. WTF??? I read this to SO and he lost it! He called no hope and yelled, cussed, told her if she was there he would whip her ass, etc... because she lied. He went on and on and she just cried and acted like a 2 year old. Now, if you want to play grown up games, dress grown up or more like a whore, dry your tears and tell the truth.

SO's mom gets wind of all of this and calls I answer. She starts yelling and saying that my SO will not punish no hope. That is he takes her phone she'll go buy her antoher one. On and on... til finally she said that if he doesn't stop she will help BM take him back to court and fix it so that he doesn't get to see the kids.

We have one had them once since all this but we have them this weekend. The last time I barely spoke to her, and when she came over Sunday I left and went shopping. They have to sleep at SO's mom's because we are not married and it's written in the papers like that or something close to it. Thank God for samll miracles, huh?

I do not want to leave the house I live in when no hope is there. I have no interest in talking, hearing or seeing her either. How can I explain to SO that I do not want her in our bedroom, bathroom, do not borrow anything of mine do not even touch anything of mine?? I don't even want her to ride in my car. Am I being a bitch here or what? Even if I am which is fine, I still want those rules in place. Up until now, I was at all of their events, games, plays, etc.. I want to totally back away from these kids. It's sad but I do not want to keep getting caught up in the bullshit drama from a stupid ex and her daughter that is following in her footsteps of being a liar.

Orange County Ca's picture

Welcome to the teenage years.

If you can't take the heat then its time to leave. And two more coming up right behind her.

I know its a lot of work establishing a relationship and you hate to throw away 3 years of effort but its a lot cheaper than waiting another 5, getting married, heaven forbid have a kid, 2, 3? and THEN starting over.

There are a million childless guys out there a great many of who are getting of an age they want to have children but have gotten school out of the way and a career launched first.

Get out of this situation and start over. You'll be glad you did.