I am so glad you have arrived again for you regular weekend with DAAAADDYY !!!! You think it’s just like any other weekend, where your lovely temper tantrum- self demands every split second of DAAADDYY’s time, every breath, every ounce of energy, where you will be entertained and delighted 24/7, a non- stop marathon of nothing but “ FUN “ – up early to drive the princess to her tennis lessons, thunderous applause when you even come remotely close to hitting the ball ( you actually suck but oh, one can not hurt the precious princess feelings ), then off to the dinner for yummy breakfast, then off to shop for new princess clothes , then frozen ice cream, the movie theater… “ what are we doing AFTER?? “ ice skating?? Hey, why not darling ! SM is at home, she takes care of everything, the house, the yard, the laundry, the pets, the cars, shopping, mopping, sweeping - we don’t have to worry about a damn thing ! We live in a hotel complete with maid service ! All the damn time !

Well my lovely little snot nosed bitch… – I have a weekend planned for you this time with NON STOP entertainment, and it will be sooo much fun ! Remember how you said last weekend you “ didn’t like to be in the house with me alone, because last time you were, I made you put your clothes in the drawer ? “ No worries – I AIM TO PLEASE ! You will not be in the house today AT ALL !

First, you will take you lazy ass with DAAAADDYY to Lowes to pick up 14 bags of mulch. The flower beds in the front yard desperately need mulching and guess what… you and DAAAADY will do it ! After that is completed to my satisfaction, you and DAAAADDDY will go and wash my car, outside and inside. Including the rims, and I want them sparkling ! Awww… do I see a frown on that ugly snot nosed mug ? Oh well… after , you and DAAADY can take yourselves to McDonalds, because I didn’t buy any “ yummy “ food for the weekend, just nasty grown up stuff like Quiche Lorraine and Quinoa salad… oh the horror…. In the afternoon, DAAADDDY will strip your and your brothers bed, and … ( soo funnn !! ) you will both take the laundry and the heavy comforters to the LAUNDROMAT , since I do not want your pissed on sheets and covers in my brand new LG Washer. There is no AC in the Laundromat, and “ nothing to do “ , so your precious body might get a little hot and sticky, I know how you HATE ANY KIND OF DISCOMFORT. Maybe time to throw an hour long tantrum right there, which is great, since i won’t have to endure it. Hopefully the washing machines are so noisy, nobody else will as well.

After the beds are made fresh, you will spend the rest of the evening with DAAAADDDY in the back yard, scrubbing the grill and washing out the yard garbage cans, because I am very busy today laying on the couch in my brand new silk pajamas watching movies in a language you can not understand. You will go to bed early since you had such a fun filled day and you must be exhausted.

And tomorrow morning, before DAAADDY shuttles you back for mothers day, come out in the backyard so that I can wave goodbye. I will be laying on the lounge, SMOKING a cigarette, so don’t forget to tell that to your mother so she can be outraged again and tell me what and what I can not do in my own fucking backyard. Oh, and I truly look forward to next weekend, when your lovely self centered, entiteled ungrateful snot nosed self will arrive again , because you and DAAADDY will tackle the garage and the garden shed TOGETHER , and here is my solemn promise :It will be one fun filled weekend after another for a long time to come for you. See you soon !!! xoxox ME.