Ranting (Sorry)
Sometimes I get worried that I made the wrong decision about marrying someone with 3 kids (2 different BM's).
My life has been tossed upside down for the last 4 years. I never realized there would be this much DRAMA all of the time. I fully realize everyone has baggage/drama. I mean, I myself have a child from a previous marriage. My first husband passed away but I have no doubt that, had he lived, we would be divorced and have issues.
But these BM's are awful. God awful. Perhaps I'm naive. I don't know. I just find it so hard to understand how someone could be so malicious and manipulative. That someone could be so hateful, that they are willing to ruin lives just to get what they want. And then I think about our poor kids. I desperately want them to grow up to be healthy individuals, who thrive in their endeavors, who love and care for others. But they are around this constant toxic environment. I think about my son, who I love with all of my heart and ask myself, why am I keeping him in this shit? I think about my SD4 and worry about how much shit her BM is putting in her head and how awful that will be for her when she grows older. I think about my DH and how much I love him. But sometimes I wonder if he really only married me because I can offer some financial security and stability in his life. Sometimes I feel like all of the responsibility of our family and our future depends on me. And that is a huge weight.
How much more can I withstand? Why not just walk away from it all? Anyone else out there feel like this sometimes?
I feel like that a lot. I am
I feel like that a lot. I am financially independent, I don't need my DH, I chose to be with him - so sometimes knowing I could walk out tomorrow and raise my 2 daughters (my bios, not DHs) alone without him, it almost makes it harder.
My BD13 and BD8 are being raised the way I want them DESPITE the environment I have them in. BM of the 2 skids is a bitch - and my daughters know it. BD13 sees clearly the crap she pulls and shakes her head - so my children are directly exposed. All I can do is do what is best for my children and raise them how I want within this household. There are 2 sets of rules in our household, despite the skids being here 50% of the time and DH wanting them all to follow the same rules, only I enforce rules on my kids - when they ask why, i remind them I am their mother, I love them and I want them to learn - when they ask why not the skids, I tell them that is between DH and the skids, and I am not talking about it, I am talking about them and what they must do or not do.
This is a weird way to live somewhat, 2 completely different famlies in this house, and DH and I - hence 3 families in 1.
I treat DH and my marriage as a unit.
I treat Me and my girls as a unit.
The skids belong to DH, I help him out with the skids because they are here 50% of the time, but I do that as his wife, not as their stepmother.
I didn't start out like this, but right now this is where I have landed.
If anything causes me to not be able to raise my children or the toxicity is too much - I will be out the door and not look back, period.
I completely understand you, I feel like that often and I ask myself if 'I am there yet' to leaving or if its still within my boundaries.
"I think about my DH and how
"I think about my DH and how much I love him. But sometimes I wonder if he really only married me because I can offer some financial security and stability in his life"
that sounds like an awful way to feel. Have you ever shared that fear/ feeling with him?
I'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now