"Don't tell me how to raise my son"
My BF is creating a monster!! I dont know how to handle it now & its only going to get worse..
Never DREAMED of having a step child.. never even dated a divorced man so it's been quite an adventure. Been together for 3 yrs, he has his 8 yr old son every other long wkend. I will admit, I am mainly concerned with myself, my own sanity, my own potential lifetime w/ a child that might be a shit head in training. Everything is generally ok other than the ridiculous overcompensation that BF is in complete denial about. I'm talking iphone @ 6 yrs old, taking him to Disney for learning how to wipe his own butt, buying him a dirt bike for learning to tie his shoes, new Playstation game everytime he picks him up.. Anytime I say something BF gets VERY defensive & says "he's a good kid". I dont need to HAVE children to realize this is unhealthy & I dont know that I'm prepared for the ungrateful human being that he will become. I really do care, I cook healthy (kid friendly) meals, monitor screen time, encourage outdoor activities (so hes not a complete dork), encourage him to pick up his shit from time to time.....
So a couple weeks ago my BF passive aggressively says "Don't tell me how to raise my son". His son was sitting right next to him on the sofa.
BF has no idea the impact that comment had. Ever since that night, that little boy is a different person towards me. He tells me NO & challenges me often. I told BF his son is going to have a hard time respecting me as an authority figure from here on out & he needs to TALK to him. Last night after asking him to wind down, its getting late he says "you better watch it, you arent even on documents to live here, this is my daddys house". His dad ever so gingerly says "hey buddy, you ought not say that". HOW IN THE WORLD AM I SUPPOSED TO RESPOND TO THAT? 
Yup - you're done. Dismiss
Yup - you're done. Dismiss them all.
I've thought about leaving, a
I've thought about leaving, a lot. This isn't really about the kid (yet) as much as BF not being decent enough to control his reactivness in front of his child. Disagreements about how he chooses to raise his child were expected, which is fine, everyones different. But the extreme defensiveness has me concerned. How am I expected to be a part of his childs life but not at liberty to have authority at the risk of BF thinking I'm telling him how to raise his son?? I thought you were supposed to avoid disagreeing in front of children about discipline. Do you think he realizes at any capacity what he's doing when he shuts me down in front of his son? Isn't that like giving permission to disrespect me? He tells me its not a big deal, he'll get over it.. If I heard my father say that to anyone, I probably would forever have negative feelings for that person no matter what the situation.
Any advice on how to TRY to back peddle?
An 8-year old is telling you
An 8-year old is telling you you aren't even on documents to live there? Gee, I wonder where he heard THAT from. Your boyfriend has no problem throwing you under the bus. I would respond by leaving this ridiculousness. My life is important to me.
How would an 8 year old know
How would an 8 year old know about the documents, let alone the ramifications of you not being on the lease or deed or whatever? Sounds like Dad or BM are talking about things he shouldn't be hearing.
Are you secure in the living arrangements? If the relationship ends, will you be ok to move somewhere else? This is something you might give some thought to.
Apparently BM is still on
Apparently BM is still on mortgage, I've pleaded w/ him to remove her. They have been divorced for 7yrs. I get threatened from time to time that she is sueing me for living here, it's a lot of fun to be harassed by someone u can't stand up to b/c she might take custody. i never felt comfortable moving in from day 1, he said its fine, we renovated it together, have it decorated just perfect (I'm a designer). Guess what I'm saying is, it's hard to go, I love this home, the beach, UGH, I too am a victim of material things keeping me near. My cats & I could always start over in some shit box somewhere I guess.
We also work together :O
So if this guy drops dead
So if this guy drops dead right now, mom was the power to walk in, change the locks and toss your butt into the street.
It's time to find your own place.
omg.. I would not live in a
omg.. I would not live in a house where my name was not on the mortgage.. His ex is still on the mortgage??? Not a good sign. If you were not comfortable moving in from day one then why did you?
I hope you didn't put any of your funds into a home that does not belong to you...=((
"Don't tell me how to raise
"Don't tell me how to raise my son". His son was sitting right next to him on the sofa."
What prompted his comment? "Don't tell me how to raise my son" was a response not an opening remark.
I'll agree his comment has given the kid the green light for open season on you and any authority you might have held in the home. However it didn't just flow forth from nowhere.
No discussion on discipline, rules, consequences, tactics, disagreements of such should ever be conducted between the adults in front of kid.
Yeah your relationship is
Yeah your relationship is over.
That child is never going to respect you, because dads shown him that dad doesnt respect you and has given him the green light.
Oh and what are you supposed to do? That dad wants you to do all the fun stuff, dote and be all goo eyed over his kid but not open your mouth, not complain, not enforce rules and I imagine cook, clean and babysit around them so dad is still free to do what he wants regardless of whether or not the kid is there.
He hasnt taken BM off the mortgage? Im sorry thats ridiculous. That is the FIRST thing you do when you split. You have spent time and money renovating that house and you have no right to it at all.
Theres one simple golden rule when dating someone with kids, its you do not get involved until they have their shit together (properly separated/ divorced/ living separate/ custody arrangements of some form in place for children/ mortgages/wills/insurances changed over) if you get involved before those things are done then you will end up with mass drama.
You work with this guy? Well personally I think that may be an issue in the aftermath of your break up but whats the alternative? Bite your tongue and let this guy walk all over you?
I have a friend who years
I have a friend who years ago, lived with her fiancé and his 17 years old DD. (bio mom was a drug addict). She actually got along with the girl very well, she didn't have to be here on ST LOL! One night her fiancé came home drunk, she got into it with him and he skulked off. Next thing she knows, her SD is coming to her with wide eyes and saying "Dad says we're getting out own place". She immediately packed a bag and moved out. He carpet bombed her every day for two weeks with weepy calls, he'd also sit outside her mom's (where she went) in his car. She DID go back and they were married shortly after. They have a DD now too. He never said anything like that again. Point is, set your boundaries now, maybe even leave for a while. When you establish your boundaries, you might just find out the caliber of the man you're with. Best of luck.
Good news is,If you move into
Good news is,If you move into a "shit hole" and you're a decorator it won't be a shit hole for long(:
How much money did you put into SO and his ex's home???? Silly girl, never updo somebody else's home when your not on the "documents"
Addicted to material things, is it worth SO and his son belittling you? LOL,
You can get on sugardaddy.com for that shit
You may be addicted to
You may be addicted to material things but you are ALSO putting money into an asset that you do not own AND has the potential to leave you homeless at any time. Combine that with the massive amounts of disrespect already shown to you by both kid and dad...
Run! If you stay, it's your
Run! If you stay, it's your choice. As previously stated you are not important to your bf.
He has and IS showing you who he really is and where you rank in his life. You don't rank in his life. There's no fairytale, you're not the beacon of light that's going to make him see the error of his ways, and you can't save him from himself. He's made his choice.
It's not you.
Sorry to be harsh, but I've been in the trenches for almost five looooooong years. Do not get pregnant by this man - he's showing you what kind of father he is. You WILL always live under the thumb of his son and the mother. There is nothing you can do to change this. You bf is talking about you behind your back to his 8 year old. The you vs. them will never change. You will never be an equal - your bf has shouted that in your face loud and clear through his son's disrespectful mouth.
RUN
" HOW IN THE WORLD AM I
" HOW IN THE WORLD AM I SUPPOSED TO RESPOND TO THAT?"
Leave his sorry ahs and find a real man who loves, values and puts you first.
Oh, yeah... I'm with the
Oh, yeah... I'm with the others, you're done.
It sounds as if dad is buying
It sounds as if dad is buying his sons love. I know how that feels, my dad did it with me after my parents were no longer together. It does not SHOW love in any form. It creates ungrateful spoiled children. However, your spouse will need to see this for HIMSELF, you explaining these things to him goes through one ear and out the other, even if you do think he loves you truly. First off, he should of never let his son disrespect you like that. He should of had some consequences for that and point blankly gave him shit IN FRONT of you. So the son KNOWS, this not acceptable. Second you need to decide on boundaries-with your boyfriend and not let him disrespect you in front of his son either. Its one thing when you two are speaking in private about private issues which is relationship issues, but in front of the child is showing the child that dad can disrespect you, so can he. You are going to be constantly dealing with this guy and his disrespectful son for the rest of your life together if you chose this path. UNLESS by some serious re checking on your boyfriends part he realizes that you also live in this home, you also are his girlfriend and nobody should be disrespecting you no matter who it is, and you are an adult figure to his son, this problem will worsen. Everyone on here has straight up to you this, from EXPERIENCE.
Oh yes been there. In fact
Oh yes been there. In fact wife told me in front of 2 SS "I know I spoil my kids, so what!" SMDH..... its been a fckn roller coaster since.
Time to plan to leave and get
Time to plan to leave and get your own finances ready--plan your exit strategy now.
I'd let him raise his son too, not another interaction with the spoiled brat. And, don't put another penny in bm's house--it is still half hers, improvements you do-included. It is zero yours. You are being used.
This is not the man for you, get out and you may find happiness--it will not be in this place.
ouch.. that hurts I'm sure.
ouch.. that hurts I'm sure. Your BF is not ready for a serious live in or marriage type of relationship. If he doesn't want your input regarding the child that is living in your home then that's a problem. Yes, it's his child but you are helping raise the child as well. With that type of comment I would be of the opinion that your BF does not care what you think or feel. He has dismissed you completely and that hurts and he has no respect for you. Personally I would leave. I recently left my long term BF due to this type of thought process from him. AND leaving was the best thing I ever did. Your significant other should not treat you that way. You don't deserve it. Best of luck to you=)
yes, leave. Why stay? For a
yes, leave. Why stay? For a house? Not worth it. Leave.
Thankfully he is just a BF
Thankfully he is just a BF and not a DH! Yes, he pretty much put you behind the kid in the hierarchy and the kid now knows that. You can't undo that - even if BF talks to the kid, it cannot be undone. And how did the 8 year old know "your name isnt on the documents" anyway? Did BF say that or BM say so - either way, kid had to hear it someplace. Use that to your full advantage and get your own place and space, away from both the kid and BF.
You should have immediatly
You should have immediatly called the locksmit to come rekey the locks and told your BF that he had until the locksmith arrived to pack his shit, his spawn's shit, and leave.
It never ceases to amaze me when people volultarily remain with an SO who has proven themselves to be a useless waste of parental skin.