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Ot, advice needed

Lifer33's picture

Possible trigger warning ...I could do with some advice Sad

 

 

 

 

Trying to cut it short , we have a street family,  5 families in our cul de sac who made friends and kept each other company over lockdown. The one mum of adopted boys 6 and 9, I became especially close to . In part because oh boy , she's a Saint,  those boys have major issues that weren't disclosed before she took them on Sad

Tonight they were all playing in the street as they do , and my girl dd6 and her boy ds9 disappeared for a very short while into our other friends drive. 

I was bathing dd6 and she suddenly says 'mum,  did you say nobody's allowed to touch my privates?'

That's correct... it transpires that my friends son who is thankfully very underage for 9 , had tried to pull her dress up, and prodded her once in that area, over her knickers.

I talked to dd In a very open way to assess what happened. She wasn't scared or frightened , and he didn't hurt her. She was literally just confused  I've reinforced that nobody touches you there, if they try to run away , tell an adult ! 

Now , how do I tackle it with the boys parents tomorrow??

Tried out's picture

tell them exactly what your daughter told you, straight up.

Of greater import is how will you handle this situation going forward. He's nine, well past the you show me yours, etc. stage. I'm assuming you'll make sure your own daughter is protected from him but are there other parents in your neighborhood who need to do likewise? 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Yes, this needs to be addressed. He is old enough to know this was wrong and the age difference between the two is also of concern. If the parents take you seriously, and you know the child is going to get therapy, there is probably no need to do anything more. However, if they try and blow you off, I think you should tell them you will contacting social services.

You also need to really consider notifying other parents whose children have contact with this kid. I know that would be tough, but I am betting this is not the first time he has done this and it won't  be the last - without some sort of intervention.

OKtoStep's picture

Tell your friend what happened. She needs to know so that she can get her kid help. You will be saving her from legal and social fall out when Junior starts getting more insistent and gains the physical advantage to enforce his will. 

Enroll your daughter in self defense classes or martial arts so she can throat punch or knee him in the cajones if there's a next time. He might think twice about touching someone against their will if he's limping for a few days. I did for my daughter and you've reminded me it's time for a refresher course. 
 

I disagree that 9 is too old to be doing stuff like this, especially if the kid came from an abusive background. If he had some sort of arrested development at a young age, this might be an indication that he is progressing in emotional growth. It's not an ideal step forward and I'd keep a closer eye on DD when she's out playing until this issue is resolved with Junior and a team of specialists.