Years ago, my big sister told me, "I never let go of something I can't afford to lose."  She said she never wanted money or material things to ruin a relationship, so although she was always pretty generous about helping people out, she never loaned, gave, or let people borrow anything she would be upset about never seeing again.  Good stuff. I adopted that rule and made it my own long ago.  I haven't always upheld it in my weaker moments, but I always consider it when I'm faced with a decision on where to spend my time, money, and energy.  It helps ward off unnece

My husband and I are in the middle of a run-of-the-mill blowup (from different coasts) about SD31. This is the first since I disengaged two years ago. It happened because, again, my husband so clearly handled everything wrong (lied through his teeth to me and got caught) that I laid down the law: change it or else. Same old, same old.

He did his usual "I'm an awful, people-pleasing failure of a human being..." routine. I did my usual, "I won't go on like this..." routine.