So if you read my earlier post this week you may know my bio-dad is the hospital with cancer. He may or may not make it. I am suppose to go see him this weekend it is three and half hours away.

I have not seen him in almost 9 years have not talked to him in about 5. I know I should go because he could die but a huge part of me does not want to. I do not think I want to open that door. I just do not trust this man and if he does get through this and better I fear for the worst when it comes to him.

So after everyone commented on here. I have taken a very hard long look at myself and this relationship with my friend (who I am going to refer to as Lucy). I can see the mistakes that I made and what I did wrong. I can own that.

This past week on Thanksgiving eve I got a little tipsy and so did my friend. We unfortunately had it out over something really kind of stupid in the end. During the argument she said she had to adapt to me having a kid in my life.

Her mom went to tell me "he has a parent. Where was his dad?"

This week had a small little scare, I was a week late and I am never late. SO and I had some serious conversations about things and what not. I am not expecting and thank goodness because we are not in the place for that right now and need way more time.