Gosh, where to begin? Thank god I found this site and realised am not alone in this.
Basically, I have 2 stepsons with my now husband of 6 months and a 2 year old who is ours.
The middle stepson who is 8 is fine, get on with him fine and he dotes on my son. In fact, I'd go on to say I could easily love him if given the chance to. There are 3 problems tho, his bm, my husband and most of all my eldest stepson who is nearly 10.
His bm makes life as difficult as poss (natch) sees him as little as poss and tells everyone who will listen, including him, that I am abusing him, am a horrible person and an unfit mother. Ironic, seeing as she left him at the age of 3 stating hed ruined her life and that she never wanted to see him or his bro again. That I can just about deal with, we all know people love the label the wicked stepmum (if only they'd read the original fairytales in which its the bm or father who is the 'villain' but this was seen as too shocking for lil children and replaced with the stepmum, much more acceptable socially to see us as the abusers, but so often wrong!)
But the eldest stepson is a nightmare and my husband blatantly refuses to do anything about it, even in fact saying I am bullying him and have had it in for him from day 1! Really? I've bent over backwards for this boy! Before I came along he was shoved on xbox all day and night and this was his 'quality time' with daddy! Anyway, ss has recently beat his bro up at school, tried to suffocate hime with a plastic bag over his head (when confronted said hed 'tripped' and it landed on his bros head! My husband did naff all, I had to punish as usual!) And backchats, pushes past me as much as poossible, stares at me, gives me filthy looks, throws temper tantrums not even my 2 year old could dream of, tries to hurt my 2 year old or break his toys when he thinks no ones looking, turns his nose up at anything and everything I cook for him (yep, even chips!) And basically goes round telling anyone whol listen how horrid I amn to him, etc. And my husband, god he's so desperate for his sons approval, he basically says am overreacting and bullying! How? I've now got ibs, had a bowt of stress related shingles, am on a waiting list for counselling, doagnosed with anxiety and depression and am meant to be going on antidepressants soon on doctors orders even though I don't want to! I have never suffered from any of these before and am so stressing myself out over all this that I'm literally making myseld ill. Oh and to top it off my husband has been saying its my fault to his family, friends and even his boss which I recently found out, remind me again why I'm still here! Any suggestions, tips, anything. Please I don't know what to do anymore.