I promise a much shorter entry today.  I'm that Stepdad who allowed all of the negative emotions, lack of coordination and understanding with DW and behavior of my two SS's to compound for 4+ years.  As a result, my marriage has been negatively impacted, my own psyche a mess (angry, bitter, stuck in the past, unable to grow).  Per my last posts, I realized and admitted the issues were with DW and also with myself and we were the core.

Wake up!!!   I do not care that the year is 2019.  YOU are the adults.  These are your CHILDREN.  That's right.  Despite what society tries to tell you, society lies.  Children need our guidance, love and support and they may have great ideas or insights as they learn but every child is not some Dalai Lama.  They are NOT wise, they are NOT omniscient.  Oh wait ... they are NOT in charge!!  It is the role of the ADULT to set expectations, enforce rules, help them grow and succeed.  Laugh with them, enjoy them but for the love of all that is holy ...

So I've realized that the last few years, my disagreements with DW have gotten more intense and the words I use are sometimes vile.  This is not at all normal for me and yes, we are working via counseling.  After a very bad weekend argument and some time to talk and consider, I've possibly stumbled on the root cause and that is our communications.  A few years ago, I had both of my SS at home.  Both allowed trash to pile in their rooms, both would dirty multiple dishes and cooking utensils and leave them sit expecting us to clean, etc.