dazed's Blog

using my house

I have lived with my BF for a short period say 3 months in my ONE BED flat becuase he lost his job as a landlord in a pub.He also stayed at his sisters a bit but as little as possible and she's on benefit,could lose this if found out he's staying there.He eventually loses jobs (pub work) or leaves them.He is forceful and winds people (employers) up or lies in bed in his accomodation above the pubs.On Tue night he stays at mine,I go to work,he lies in bed all day at my house.I never get so much time for lie ins at weekends as his son's there.Now he thinks he MIGHT lose this job.He wants to l

calm

Amazingly another weekend I spent at my own house.I enjoyed going on the train shopping and seeing my friend in the day for her Bday.Then out with more friends in the evening,I get to dress upone guy checking me out.It just felt fun,I'm out in the air more,I had choice.Normally at my BF's house with 'SS' at wknd we sit in watching TV most of the day.the two of them goggle eyed at it.Little conversation.Also I could eat and sleep at normal times.I am shattered over there,what with late nights and early mornings being kept up/woken up.And 'SS' answering back to my BF and doing anything to avo

my blog cont'd

Went over to BF's for the wknd again.Tried to think positive.He made sure I got there and then said BM was coming into his pub on her birthday.He has compared me unfavourably to her before and I haven't met her/coping.
I was upsetabout her coming but wouldn't have stopped it and told him so.I had a drink and told him how upset I was that he rarely cared about my feelings.BM btw never has 'SS' any weekends or even part,most bdays or mothers day if it falls on weekend.She wanted her present off him.

just talking again

Lots of anxiety on my part again.Last wknd I was crying-tired/bored/hungry in BF's room while they sat happily watching episodes of Stargate.BF will sometimes see how I am (doesn't happen every wknd) quite often not bother.Several films got out of the library-he has 'SS' all week to watch them,the only one got out for me of course they had no time to watch and I prob won't see it now (we live apart).I don't feel like BF thinks of my feelings at all.He also started trying to dictate when I could go for a walk/s,using various reasons-him and his son,the fact that his assistant manager had the

Tearful after weekend

If I repeat myself I'm sorry,just need to talk.After a weekend away I went back to BF's and 'SS' was there.Friday I was fine and upbeat.Sat and Sun 'SS' came.His phone went off in the living room anytime from 5 a.m and woke me up.I went and turned it off (I thought).Then it went off again, so I'm up again.All the time BF and 'SS' are sleeping.'SS' says it wakes him up for school in the WEEK (where he lives at BM's).Put it in your room then or turn it off at wknd! We didn't actually argue, we just 'got on' as normal not doing much.

Thinking

I had a good weekend-without BF and SS actually.I went out with my friends many of whom have kids,but get babysitters to go out.I have actually phoned Women's Aid (England) a few times as it has been suggested I'm in an abusive relationship (in many ways).I think I'm not happy.They say he has no right to demand every weekend to do just what him and his son wants as we have never agreed this.Making me guilty is his way of controlling me.I get quite upset and angry that he never considers my needs and he knows I get depression and anxiety.Do you know he once said to me 'I don't like care abou

Bit of peace this weekend

Yep I am actually going out for a friend's birthday this Sat.My BF is getting mournful I won't be at his house with SS again as per every wknd.This wknd I can't be bullied into taking SS swimming and made to feel bad.I do sometimes to be nice (it was my suggestion) and he takes advantage.I said occasionally.I won't have to make any roast dinner.I can do as I please.Sorry if that sounds mean.I have a FT job.I feel like I have another PT job while I am there.I can have some fun and feel younger like BM does every weekend.Thanks