Gwen's Blog
Some insight for me, for what it's worth
DH and I had a talk yesterday that I wanted to share--we had a rare free moment to talk alone, and I mentioned an incident that occurred a couple of weeks ago when we were cleaning out the hall closet---the last vestige of Former Family stuff was hiding in there--I asked for it to be packed up in tubs and put away safely in the garage, for the kids when they are older.
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Yes, a happy day!
I'm so excited--we confirmed today that we are going on a family trip to Germany in August, for two weeks!!! With my skids, MIL and DH cousins and I am so excited!!! My DH's cousin in Germany is getting married, and we are all going to the wedding. I have always wanted to travel but could never afford to, raising myself the way I did. Can't now either, but MIL is funding a big chunk so we can go--she is a great traveler and a lovely, fun woman. DH and I have been holding our breath and not saying anything because we oh so wanted skids to go but BM hesitated for awhile.
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Importance of DH Reaction
Awhile back there was a post about a DH paying for BM's meal and I can't find it again, but that and other posts have me thinking about the following: we all have different boundaries and what is "minor" to some may be "major" to others depending on a whole host of other circumstances. But whether an incident or issue is major or minor, for my part the single biggest factor in whether the thing continues to bug me is my DH's reaction.
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Different Co-Parenting Styles
I've mentioned that BM opposed the custody change. Today after a parent-teacher conference DH had a long talk with her about why, and she informs him that (just as I've guessed) it's because "she doesn't know us" and "she's not willing to allow her children to spend more time with people who don't like her."
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Need good wishes
you can wish on me and I can dig up from whatever reserves I have. We have asked to change the parenting plan to increase our time with the kids; the settlement says that "all parties recognize that it is in the best interests of the kids to spend more time with their dad and that time with dad should increase in the future", basically as his circumstances become more stable.
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No Easy Answer
Warning -- I'm feeling super cranky and probably being unfair, but this is the "vent" place so here goes -- when I look for stepparenting advice elsewhere (and mostly not here which is why I keep coming back, THANK YOU LADIES (and couple of Gents)!!, all I see is glib, trite advice "focus on the kids" "don't badmouth the BM/Ex" "the only one you're hurting with your anger is yourself (and maybe the kids)" "think about all the good things". I KNOW!! I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!!!
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Young SD telephone calls to BM
My little SD is 6 going on 7. I have known her since she was 3 going on 4, we have a strong bond. She goes through phases of missing her mom when she comes to our house--it was a lot for awhile, but for 8-10 months she hasn't said a word. Tonight out of the blue she started crying again about missing BM and wanted to call to goodnight.
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Dissomaster Disappointment
I don't understand why for the next 12 years (SD is 6) we are subject to having our income ripped out from under us at the ex's whim. My BF pays PLENTY for SS and SD in monthly child support, promptly each and every month without a word. Ex is getting remarried next month, and today my BF let her know, as nicely as could be done, that pursuant to the settlement agreement the alimony payment will terminate next month. Her comeback was "well, I think it's time to have our attorneys run the child support program taking into account your increase in income".
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Bonds with Skids
Someone said in another post that if the marriage ended tomorrow, skids would be gone without so much as a thank you. I am grateful that I really don't think that is true for me, my skids were 3 and 5 when I met them and are 6 and 8 now, and are really, really loving kids. I think if I were to disappear they would miss me and talk about me and want to see me, and would always remember me fondly if they couldn't. Sure, they don't have the same depth of feeling for me as their BM, but they do love me and I am family. Am I particuarly lucky?
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Ex Name on Checking Account
I am so angry I can hardly type. Ten days ago I had a lovely wonderful wedding, and then a fun 6-day trip with my new husband and my skids and my husband's family (who flew a long distance for the wedding -- the trip was my idea and lots of fun). New husband is back at work and I am taking a few extra days off. While going through some papers (of mine) I found some papers of his that I sorted since he had thrown them in my pile. They were already opened, and included information about an account that has his name as well as his ex-wife's name.
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