I am starting to feel the beginnings of the ticking of my biological clock, but am a little afraid of having a baby. Not only because I can't afford it financially right now, but also because I still have 2 more years of nursing school to go. The biggest issue, though, is that I definitely do not want a part time father for my baby, nor do I want my baby to have the type of father figure my SS9 has with his father. I tend to watch how SO is with SS9 and truthfully, at times, it really disturbs me.

For example, I have learned through this site that SS exhibits a lot of attention seeking behavior that my be normal in sfamilies, but SO hardly ever responds to him. If SS tries to get attention from him (which he usually does by regressing to baby talk), SO ignores him. I have also noticed that SO has never really been affectionate with his son, while he is completely opposite with me. So I know he is capable of being a loving person, but why isn't he that way with his own son? I am usually the one to spend time with SS9, have conversations with him, and come up with ideas to take him out (this weekend I'm hoping we'll get to see a kabuki show). Any affection SS9 gets when he comes over is usually from me (even though it drives me up the wall sometimes). Anyway, I spoke to SO about this various times and he says that since he had not been involved in his son's life for the first couple of years, he has always felt that he missed out on some of the most important things of his son's life. Okay, while understand that, why can't SO call him on weekdays, just to see how he's doing? He tells me that SS9 doesn't call him, so he doesn't feel obligated to call SS9. I think SO has disengaged to a certain extent b/c SS9 has a stepfather that has been involved in his life since the time he was born, and he often refers to him as "my dad", thus hurting SO. However, SS has only done this a couple of times, since he has already been told by us that his SF is not his real dad; yes, he may love him like a dad and SF loves him like a son, but his BD is SO. When SS9 has said made reference to his SF after that, I only think it was to see SO get hurt and jealous, but I really think that the ultimate goal was for him to see SO loves him, not because he really understands what he's doing (at least I hope not, he's only 9).

This affects me because I wonder if SO will be like that if we have a baby together. He says it would be different because he'll get to live with the baby, and because he loves me (although he was involved with BM for 1 year, they didn't have a "serious" relationship, we've been together for 10 yrs). I would like to know your opinions on this, maybe even also from SM's who had their own BK's with their DH or SO's.