Should we phone skids or not???
The skids have nothing to do with me now, DH has made sure of that. DH is ten years older than me. I wonder what would happen if DH got sick and was bedridden- WHAT THEN?
DH alienated me from them and if something happens what am i suppose to do, suck all the hurt up and pretend we are best buddies. i have brought this to DH attention, he said I would hope you would ring them and let them know, what is it that he doesn't get< i'm not good enough to be part of your little get togethers but if i'm sick just pretend that none of that ostercising as happen, now, go be a good little pet, run along and ring my wifey-daughters for me. OH it's been so long what's the phone numbers and where do they live WTF!!! As if that will happen!!!Gee they puts things in place to fall heavily --TWITS.
Just wondering your thoughts on this???
My thoughts? Sounds like
My thoughts? Sounds like your DH is treating you in a totally unacceptable way. The way you put it, it sounds like he is excluding you from get togethers with SKIDs. This is not OK. If you choose not to go along, fine.
His job should have been to try and facilitate a relationship between you and the SKIDs, not alienate them from you. That is disgraceful.
It looks like you envision a future where you act as his nursemaid. Why don't you cut your losses and leave now? Doesn't seem like there is much in this relationship for you.
Totally excluding me, head in
Totally excluding me, head in the sand mentality, hope it will go away, not from this end I'm so angry and resentful words don't quite fit it!!!
I would not call my skids. I
I would not call my skids. I might let someone know who will but it won't be me calling them.
I wouldn't call their sorry
I wouldn't call their sorry god damn arses, they also have contributed to this alienation of me, fcuk all of them!! I say-- angry is not the word, god I hate DH and the vicious spawn he created with another woman, I want out of this mess!!
Maybe I should tell DH when I was 16 I had a baby son, he is now on the scene as a grown man, I'm going to have secret lunches with him, you don't mind a bit if I'm secretarive about it-- your never going to be included in that part if my life , you dont mind a bit - no I didn't think so!!!
IMO... Some things transcend
IMO... Some things transcend everything else. Illness & death are among them. You don't have to like his kids, or have any relationship with them. But yes, you should let them know.
Kes mentioned that it was
Kes mentioned that it was your husband who should have facilitated a relationship with you and his daughters. Unfortunately, they play the biggest role in the wall that gets built between their children and the present wife.
When the situation has become one where you are ostrisized by the steps or obviously not invited to be part of their family then it continues. If something were to happen to you, these people would not care or be putting theirself out for you. The phone would not be ringing with concern about you or offers to help. So when something of concern happens to your DH then put the least amount of effort into keeping up contact as is acceptable. If at the time a wall is up then it stays up.
My dh's children have not come to visit him for over 5 years. They live 2 1/2 hours drive from us. Prior to that they had a 20 minute drive and had not visited for years. Their every get together is dad coming to them. They call dad only on his cell.
Yes, they do have my cell number. That was most obvious when DH had heart surgery. At 6am he was wheeled into surg. His cell phone was in my purse and ringing at least 20 times. I turned it off and did not return calls. Then for the only time in history my phone started ringing constantly with incoming calls from his girls.
At 6 PM that evening I made one call to the oldest daughter and said he was doing well and she should call the others since I was tired. He was in a room at that point where he could use his cell phone and they could call him.
I love those hippa laws. There was no way for them to get information. They were not at the top of my calling list. I called my family and my support system first.
I buried my first DH when I was in my 30's. He was the first born and only son. Never was I good enough in his mother's eyes. When he died ,I thought it was a time to put personal feelings aside. His mother picked her Eastern orthodox church and funeral home.{We belonged to a Methodist church] He was buried in a plot next to one that was bought for his mother. To this day she will tell people that I killed her son. [HE DIED OF A HEART ATTACK] I paid for everything, gave in to every request she had,but it makes no difference. If I could do over I would make my needs and concerns the priority. Not hers. I was the one left to raise 5 children.
Few children think about the importance of treating stepmom with consideration. Stepmom will be the one who points you in the direction of the nearest hotel and restaurant and makes you last on the list of phone calls or she can welcome you into her home with open arms, provide lodging, food, and updated information,and fulfill requests you may have. It all depends on whether their is a wall up at the time.
In worst case scenarios...Steps get a call after dad died and he is on his way to be creamated. No set date at this time for a memorial service. Then the memorial service just never happens.
Yes I agree with Kes, DH
Yes I agree with Kes, DH should have put a stop to lunches etc without me. In the skids eyes there is no need to rebuild a relationship with me because daddy will always go to them, further alienating me. It certainly feels like DH is content to how things are, the them and us devide. They are not looking at the bigger picture, they think they are clever having daddy all to themselves.
The wall has been built, fool them all. DH will now be forever at their beck and call, time moves on, birthdays etc come and go, people get sick.
When and if the time comes I will not be passing information onto them, I may ring DH sister so she can pass information on.
You can only take enough hurt and see things for what they truly are- cruel.
At the end of the day, DH sees pleasing 3 adult skids and grand skid above pleasing 1 woman at home- the odds are stacked against me!!
Think about it, would you
Think about it, would you really want to sit down to lunch with those ingrates? I think you are so much better off not involved in their petty, little lives. I know I am. I love being alienated from the spoiled brats! So much better!
I know, I'm working on
I know, I'm working on getting into that mindset, I think that would help heaps!
Good riddance, out of face and out of my life
It would be a cold day before
It would be a cold day before I'd call people who actively treat me badly. That is the consequence that they chose when they chose to treat you so badly. I'd get and stay detached. DH wants to exclude you? Good. But if something happens, I would feel no responsibility to let them know. And if they tried to show up at the hospital and act like fools, I'd have them barred from seeing him. I hope you have wills, powers of attorney, living wills, etc.
And I'm sorry to say this, but your DH sounds like a total azzwipe for allowing this situation in the first place. His consequence for letting this happen (and this is all his fault!) is for you not to let skids know if he is ill or passes away.
I'm sorry you have to put up with this. I hope the Karma bus drops by for them soon.