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White Flag waving

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Submitted by Sita Tara on Thu, 04/15/2010 - 3:46pm

I surrender to this fate. There's nothing to do about it anyway. It's the only choice I have- acceptance.

I am not going to the job fair next week, as I looked at it more closely and it is in fact a bunch of recruiters, military included (which will trigger me I'm sure) looking to train and asking for money for their services. None of the jobs were local that each co had on their own individual websites either.

So...

why I hate the thought of a non-nuclear family for BD4

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Submitted by Sita Tara on Wed, 04/14/2010 - 8:10pm

Tonight I told my sons if they couldn't monitor themselves (content and time spent) on the computer I would put the parental controls for times back on and they would have to ask me. I finally let them have access whenever they want, and it's reached a point where they're on it non flippin' stop.

So BS15 says, "Why do I even have to come here." And "If that's how you're going to be then I don't want to come here."

This sums up in a nutshell why it sucks for kids to have two houses.

They feel forever as though they have another option.

How to help BD4, when I'm so sad myself

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Submitted by Sita Tara on Sat, 04/10/2010 - 10:05am

BD 4 has been asking tons of q's. Why don't we want to stay married? Why don't we want to talk on the phone anymore? Do we not like each other anymore?

How in the world do I answer without hurting her relationship with her dad?

I cry. He doesn't. She told me this morning that she told him last night that I cry when she talks about him. She said, "He said, 'Oh...sorry."

She volunteers this stuff. I don't question. I know better than that.

But when she questions I freeze up.

And cry.

6 years ago today...

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Submitted by Sita Tara on Thu, 04/08/2010 - 2:14pm

I met STBX.

Sad

I am not doing well with it all today, as is apparent in my posts supporting friends in similar situation among other posts.

I miss that guy I met so much. I wish that guy missed me so much.

I've been up half the night with BD4 and that hasn't helped.

I feel expendable and tossable and totally pathetic b/c I still love him.

I wish I hated him as he feared I would. That would be preferable.

Inspired by The Wife's post on becoming a BM

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Submitted by Sita Tara on Tue, 04/06/2010 - 11:07am

I started this in response to everyone regarding why I would be civil to the woman my STBX is involved with, if they stay together.

I would be civil mainly because it would be best for my own BD4 but really it would be best for myself as well. To hold onto my anger toward them is pointless for me in the long run. I hope to one day look at STBX and feel...

Ambivalent.

Indifference...the opposite of love, not hate or anger.

Nothing.

possible job- keep your fingers crossed

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Submitted by Sita Tara on Mon, 04/05/2010 - 3:01pm

My next door neighbor (a teacher) let me know about a job offer at the elementary school near me where BD4 could go eventually if I stay in the vicinity when I move. It's for a teacher's aid and is 30 hrs a week. It would leave me available pretty close to all the time she is out of school except Fridays I would need a sitter. BS 15 could get her off the bus, and I should be able to either get her on the bus or drop her off at preschool, depending on what time I would start (the school starts later than SD's preschool).

An amazing Easter

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Submitted by Sita Tara on Sun, 04/04/2010 - 7:24pm

Wow...the first holiday since all the chaos came out to be absolutely lovely.

I just posted a huge FB update about it. It's nice to have something truly joyful to post.

I did eggs with BD4 and my sons last night, and my mom came over too. We ordered pizza and had a nice time. This morning BD woke up early and was of course excited to open her basket and a few presents.

The boys (15, and nearly 13 now) were less than enthusiastic of course, as it was before 11 am or noon.

My anthem right now- Hallelujah

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Submitted by Sita Tara on Sat, 04/03/2010 - 12:56pm

A few weeks ago, my BS who will be 16 in a few months auditioned for a special part of the high school choir that he was asked to audition for last year and was too "cool" to do. He missed the cut on the baseball team, and was pretty down (though I must say that 36 tried out for 17 spots so he shouldn't feel bad with those odds.) Anyway...

He decided to audition last minute for the select group for choir.

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