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Dilemma with non-biological "step daughter"

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Submitted by SteppingUp on Wed, 09/01/2010 - 12:21pm

Recap of our situation: My fiance met BM when she had a 3 month old daughter. BM turned him into automatic "Daddy", as my DF was willing to take on that role from the start. He fell in love with his stepdaughter and now admits she was the reason why he stayed with BM so long (3 years). BM got pregnant, had an abortion (against DF's wishes) and they broke up. He got back together with her mostly for SD's sake...they tried and tried, and broke up again. Only to find out BM was pregnant again -- the result: son. Got back together, broke up for good when his son was just 6 months or so.

SD5's first day of kindergarten and she's wearing makeup!!!!!!!!!!

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Submitted by SteppingUp on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 11:24am

BM drove SD5 to school for her first day of kindergarten, which is today. My fiance has been talking to her for weeks and telling her that he wants to be involved with the first day stuff. BM tried pushing him away by saying that she was going to take care of everything, but he finally said that he will just meet them at school so he could give her a hug before she went in.

SS is daytime potty trained...night time isn't gonna happen for a long time because BM refuses to clean up a mess

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Submitted by SteppingUp on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 1:49pm

DF and I started talking the other night about how we think SS3 is ready to start trying "real" underwear at night instead of a pullup. He does wake up often with a wet pullup, but he never has accidents during the day, or even at nap time. I looked up a lot of articles online about overnight potty training and we found out some great tips on how to get through it.

Should we take SS3 with us to the ultrasound?

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Submitted by SteppingUp on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 1:33pm

We are having our 2nd prenatal/OB appointment next week for my pregnancy. This morning, while driving to work, I thought I had a bright idea. SS3 has been confused about the fact that I have a baby in my belly -- he keeps lifting my shirt to see it! I was thinking that maybe we should take him with us to the appointment so he can actually see a "picture" of the baby, and hear its heartbeat. Do you think this is a good idea or do you think at that age it still wouldn't matter -- that he would just see a blob in there and be scared of it?

Funny - BM needed to "borrow" an egg.

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Submitted by SteppingUp on Mon, 08/23/2010 - 3:33pm

I don't know if the egg recall is affecting everyone else, but it is for us. Fortunately, we had stocked up on eggs before the recall and still had some left to use for the weekend. Last night when my fiance called BM to see when she wanted the kids dropped off, she asked him if we had an egg to spare. She had planned to make brownies and there were no eggs at the grocery store because of the recall.

BM says that when she gets married, she won't let her H have anything to do with the kids. What?

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Submitted by SteppingUp on Mon, 08/23/2010 - 8:44am

BM told my fiance this weekend that if/when she gets married, her husband will NEVER be involved with the kids. This was her jealousy of me talking, trying to justify that I should not go to a party that daycare was throwing for all the parents. Mind you, I'm his fiance, AND we are having a baby, AND we will be going to the same day care once baby is old enough to go...so it will be "my" day care also, AND I am very involved in the skid's lives as it pertains to everything including daycare (I help drop them off, pick them up, bring supplies, bring treats, etc).

Advice for my mother...SHE is the BM still in love with my dad.

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Submitted by SteppingUp on Fri, 08/20/2010 - 1:19pm

I read someone else's post earlier asking advice on how to handle when the BM is still in love with your husband. This totally turned everything around on me and put a whole new perspective on my dad's relationship with his wife. My own mother is the BM in that situation...she would take back my father in a heartbeat. She would love to talk to him every day, or email him every day...just to "talk". She started emailing him a few years back when my sister was getting married, her excuse being that it was about the wedding and everything.

BM finally admitted her jealousy.

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Submitted by SteppingUp on Fri, 08/20/2010 - 9:44am

We thought that tonight would be one of our first opportunities to do something in public that is related to the kids where both DF and I would be there AND BM would be there...and that things could be mature and grown-up. Our daycare provider is hosting a little barbeque and drinks evening for only parents, so that we can all socialize. Our daycare lady made a really big point to make sure we all knew about it and that she really wants everyone to go.

Fiance's step mother

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Submitted by SteppingUp on Thu, 08/19/2010 - 10:05am

My fiance's step mother is the sweetest woman in the world. She would never say a bad thing about anyone and if someone tries to get her to talk, she's a vault! I love her strength and compassion for everyone. So this surprised me last weekend when I was casually looking through their photo albums. I saw tons of photos of my fiance, step daughter, and step son, and some were very odd-shaped as if they'd been cut. It took me a minute to realize the sweet little lady spent the time to cut out every picture that BM had been in! There's not even a hand or an arm of hers in there!

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