How do you break a silent defiant passive aggressive SD?
The worse part is the destruction that takes place before sd goes back to BM's. She is nasty Fri through Sunday. There is always a major fight to get her to talk and be "normal" and I usually am the one who gets blamed 4 her being a silent passive aggressive witch cuz she's afraid of me. She aint afraid of me, she hates me cuz BM hates me and is extremely jealous of me. Trying to talk to her makes me feel like a fool cuz she won't answer me, etc. Any ideas on how to get her to not be silent so her dad feels sorry for her and gets mad at me? This has become a behavior to her and i don't know how to counteract it. Help!
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yes, i edited the topic cuz i
yes, i edited the topic cuz i am not as interested in 50/50 custody as i am the problem of the sd playing me.
I will read and re-read
I will read and re-read paragraph 2..never every saw it that way. It is exactly that too that when he is talking to her and giving her attention she doesn't sit there glaring at me. So would you suggest i tell him to go do things with her alone on say Friday so it stops her bs?
Would you suggest him taking
Would you suggest him taking his 2 kids out to dinner the Friday they come to take the threat away? Any tips, actions, DH can do so she doesn't feel threatened? Because you are exactly right, he keeps feeding that entitlement attitude by picking fights with me only when she is here because he knows she likes that. She truly gets physically happy, starts talking, smiles when he and i are fighting. While i understand now, i still don't know what DH can do so she doesn't feel threatend and act this way.
I always made sure I said
I always made sure I said Hello and held the conversation in front of their dad so he could wittness the behavior and then he would call their hand on it.
I wasn't until I stopped cooking the breakfast and buying the birtday and Christma gifts and going out of my way to speak that things changed. I stopped skirting around the issue nobody wanted to talk about and was blunt about it. You don't treat me like crap when I treat you nice and expect ANYTHING out of me and I don't want to hear about the poor little me story or because the parents are divorced reason, blah blah blah. There is NO reason for disrespect or rudeness in this household when you are treated with kindessl. I always loved the "I don't know what you are talking about" reason for treating me like crap.
But in the end, I disengaged myself from the problem and let them be miserable if they wanted and went on about my weekend life shopping and buzzing along like nothing ever happened because I wasn't going to let that crap get me down and I wasn't going to be treated like crap. I let tem fend for themselves and didn't tell them to clean up, get their returning clothes together to go back to bm feed them or nothing.
Over time, they came around and things got better. I guess they got tired of being miserable.
Same thing here. When I
Same thing here. When I stopped being so nice and started calling them on it in front of DH, things started to get better. He became more aware of the issues and that helped the situation. It was ugly for awhile, but it eventually got better. We did give up SD to her mom, but that was more because mom is a "friend" and we were trying to be good parents. SS12 has stopped being so rude all the time since DH started calling him on it. It does get better but, you have to disengage and stop putting up with their crap. I walk away and give him lots of alone time with his Dad. I encourage it. That helps a lot as well.