Mask of Misery and end of summer blues
Advice needed my lovely steptalkers!
My Sd, Munchkin SD13, has started doing something that I am having a problem with. Its not the cracking of knuckles, its not the stinky feet, its something else entirely.
Whenever we go out together she always has this look on her face, what I term the "mask of misery". It was pointed out to me also, that she just sits there pouting. My friend, who is very sensitive, told me when she saw a photo of Munchkin and I on facebook, she had the worst pout, so much so that my friend felt bad for me.
One time, when we were discussing a family outing, and it wasnt exactly what she wanted, how she wanted, she pouted. When I brought it up, she said "well what do you want, only fake smiles? Im happy on the inside!" My response was just "well I dont want THAT".
We two get along great otherwise, its just when DH is with us, it turns sour, then I turn sour. She has started manipulating to get her way, and its more subtle than I can deal with directly. For example, we went to a festival this weekend. DH wanted to buy something for himself, and she ponted to something different and told him he should buy that one instead. He did.
When she doesnt get "something" at an outing she pouts.
If we make plans without her, she pouts.
If we make plans WITH her, but dont want to include hr friends, she pouts.
If she wants pizza and I want chinese and we get chinese, she freaking pouts. She puts on that "mask of misery".
I hate it. Otherwise I love her to bits.
What do I do!
Talk about it?
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Comments
It must be a 13 year old girl
It must be a 13 year old girl thing because I'm having flashbacks of my SD at that age, pouting at things I'd spent $100s on. I ignored her pouty face and smiled even bigger. Then I stopped taking her places or spending money on her.
Im at that point.
I spent the weekend with her, bought her a bunch of clothes, and now this "mask of misery" thing.
And there is a big 2-day Festival I always really love coming up in a few weeks. Im making plans with GF, and not DH and certainly NOT SD!
Yeah, she's a 13-year-old
Yeah, she's a 13-year-old girl. They are awful creatures. They get over it, after a few years.
Covert not overt
Shes not overtly snotty. WE have nice conversations and outings with just the two of us.
Its probably DH's fault too, as his precious princess must always "get something".
Maybe. But 13 is a
Maybe. But 13 is a challenging age for girls.
So...
What do I do? I made a fuss last night.
But going forward, do I talk it out, do I ignore and push back my feelings?
YOU shouldn’t do anything
YOU shouldn’t do anything beyond deciding if you want hang out with a pouty teen or not. This is DH’s problem.
Look on the bright side Clove
Look on the bright side Clove, it gets worse at 14. lol
Just try to stay detached and not care too much. That's how our hearts get broken by other people's kids.
lolol
You give me that advice EVERY time!!!!
Thank you for that "velvet hammer", of support. I need to disenage more...!
Any chance that part of it is "resting bitch face?"
Is there any chance that part of it is she has "resting bitch face?" Or that she just hasn't learned to mask her inward emotions so they don't show outwardly? Does she act pouty, or just look it? Maybe it is worth one conversation, explaining how her "pouty" look effect those around her. If she is not responsive, then quit doing so much with her.
I do admire all of the time and energy and love you give to this girl. Wish she could completely understand how lucky she is to have you in her life!
Yes
But more no. I dont know. That is her claim, that that is just her resting face. But when we go out, its more adult things, like live music, and my friends are there. Or a festival. I think Im reacting to more than just the "mask of misery", but the whole thing with she always has to "get things". I bought her many many things, and yet she still wants more.
I think Im also reacting to the fact that I think DH is elevating her to higher "status". Like she has final say on things.
Yeah, I think it’s a 13yo
Yeah, I think it’s a 13yo thing. My SD started doing this when she was at least 12! I think it’s this and what another poster said - not being able to mask her inward emotions so they end up showing outwardly.
Yikes!
Yes, she started around 12 ish.
WELL she DOES wear hr emotions on her sleeve. So why the Heck would she even want to go!!!! Ive askd her evry single time, "do you want to go with???" And every time a resounding "yes!!!"
Yup... totally agree with
Yup... totally agree with teenage girl thing. Maybe teenage in general thing. With a house full of teens, I just ignore it. I don't have the patience to fawn all over them so everyone is catered to and 100% happy all the time. That just isn't real life...
Single child syndrome
When at our house she is like an "only child", the world revovles around her.
Ewwww....
Ewwww....
My SD (almost 16) is finally
My SD (almost 16) is finally starting to come out of this phase after 3 hard years. I guess it is just a normal teen girl thing, to an extent, though I personally never did the pouting thing because my parents wouldn’t stand for it.
This past Christmas SD15 all but ruined a trip that we spent upwards of $15k on. Of course she was a ray of sunshine when she was getting to do exactly what she wanted, but the second things weren’t going her way, she was a sullen, pouty little snot. Afterwards DH had a “come to jesus” talk with her about how it was going to be her last fancy vacation if she didn’t shape up. Since then the episodes of it have been few and far between. I don’t know if it was DH’s promise to exclude her from trips, or if she’s just growing up, but I’m not sorry to see it come to an end because it made me insane.
OH!
Yeah, I would be so Pi$$ed if that happened.
Im hoping she grows out of it. Because its a tough game to fight, when its them against me. And then DH throws out the "well, I already lost one daughter, lets go ahead od lose this one!"
She made a comment the other day, that her father had a big presence in the house, "like 100%" I just looked at her and went "REALLY?"
I'd ignore her "mas of misery
I'd ignore her "mask of misery" face and still do what I wish. You can't feed to much into this as its also a manipulation tactic and given her age this will be another few years of this. If she's that miserable I wouldn't take her anywhere and I'd tell her so. I wouldn't allow anyone to rain on my parade and walk around with them looking so miserable. You have solutions to this either you take her and deal with it or you don't.....just don't keep fueling her because she knows exactly what she's doing.
So sorry to tell you its the
So sorry to tell you its the age! BD is 13 and we took her to a benefit concert on Saturday night and she was pouty the whole time. She sat there on her phone with a pouty look, then when we finally got ready to leave she was almost in tears! I asked her what her problem was and she was whining she didn't want to be there, well tough crap kid, we went, get over it!
Sadly I had a nice gap in between Spawns teenage years and BD's, just enough to help me forget what pure hell it really is having a teenage daughter again!
My SD would do this too, in
My SD would do this too, in addition to ignoring everyone around her, just about all.the.time. I can tolerate the pouting, but the ignoring me, and ignoring others really got to me, it’s just flat rude. Her dad did nothing. He claimed that both she and BM have “resting b— face”, and she’s not pouting. Yeah, except I’ve known this kid since she was 2, sorry but she’s pouting... and lol BM is a crazy person and most likely pouting too. So, I just ignored the pouting, and stopped greeting her or trying to engage her in conversation, stopped bringing her places where she would embarrass herself and me with her rude behavior (which honestly she didn’t want to be there anyway) and that was that. The pouting stopped.