Never make them something different. They will not starve. They will eventually eat what is provided. And they should have a rule to at least try everything.

We have a five bite rule. SSs have to take at least five bites of everything on their plate, and they have to eat at least one fruit or vegetable at each meal. I try to always make at least one thing I know they will eat at each meal so that they won't "go hungry".

We do five bites because when we only made YSS take one bite, he'd put on a big, dramatic performance of feeling sick, spitting out the food, crying, etc when it was something he didn't want to eat or he wanted to skip to dessert. When he realized that I won't wipe away his crocodile tears and will make him just eat more, and that I would actually listen when he told me he didn't like something, he stopped the hysterics.

It's actually pretty funny because he'll eat way more kinds of foods at our house than with BM or GBM. It has actually peeved off BM when they take leftovers back to her place and she sees something that YSS won't touch when she cooks but will eat it when I do. Well yeah, because his option with us is learn to live with it or "go hungry". I won't make him a special meal or only make things I know he'll eat.

Oh boy…lol.

I am different than most on here. I think a kid HAS to at least try everything on his plate. But I also think that they need to have at least one thing on that plate that they like. I don’t think it is cool to serve a 10 year old Brussel sprouts, cauliflower and liver all on the same plate.

But if they do not like ANYTHING then they can make them a sandwich or a bowl of soup. No dessert if they did not eat at least half of the original plate of food. No desert/snack if they ended up eating a sandwich or soup.

I do NOT believe in forcing a kid to eat if they don’t want to. But they also can’t snack if they did not eat at meal time.

Some SM really feel this is a hill to die on. Not me.

It depends on the reason for the refusal. If it's a new dish, we have a 2 bite rule. You have to take at least 2 bites but if you still don't like it you can have PB&J instead. And we always try to make sure the sides (or main course if the side dish is new) are things they like.

If the pickiness is because of a genuine dislike for the food we are serving, they may make their own dinner. (I'll make the PB&J for BS2. He's not quite good enough to do it alone yet. BS5 can make his own already.)

If it's a matter of stubbornness or control, well, all of the kids have discovered they can't out-stubborn my mule of a DH, lol! They get the same plate served at breakfast, lunch, and dinner until it's eaten. Edit: I feel like I need an example for this one. SD12, at 8 or so, LOVED buttered noodles with broccoli and chicken. She asked for it all the time. One day I made it for dinner and she got made because she wanted the Noodles version instead. So she said it was disgusting and she HATES buttered noodles. DH said he is not putting up with that attitude and took this approach with SD. So that' what I mean when I say stubbornness or control. We make something we know they like and for their own reason they refuse.

At this point I think DH and I are pretty good at judging which situation is happening if one of the kids doesn't want their dinner. (Breakfasts and lunches at our house are serve yourself, so we don't have this issue at those mealtimes.)

Not quite a fan of it. My own mother made us sit at the table until all the food was gone. This included her horrible boiled potatoes and boiled to death vegetables. To this day, I won't touch a potato unless it's so flavoured that it doesn't taste like a potato and suck at eating enough vegetables.

Point is, it doesn't work. Serve them good meals. If they don't want to eat it, they can make themselves a sandwich. Otherwise, you're forever making food a source of stress and bad feelings.

Ain't even worth it.

DH makes SS7 sit and eat most of his dinner. Every single meal is an ordeal unless it's pizza.
SS will sit and pick at his food, take tiny bites. He even does this with foods he likes: cheese burgers, mashed potatoes, chicken etc.
if it's something he doesn't like it can take over an hour or two.

Strangely though, if we have company for dinner SS will eat like a pig and ask for food off someone else's plate. He does this with DH's mom all the time.

I think the eating issues are 90% attention seeking and being stubborn for control or something.
I no longer sit at the dinner table with DH and SS, it's so ridiculous and annoying to deal with every dog damned day.

Nope but you get ONE dinner and if you don’t want to eat then you’re going to be hungry.

SD13 has SED, or Selective Eating Disorder. Of course, no one (DH) wanted to look into this so there's that.
SD11 was a picky eater, but she's no longer picky.

I used standard guidelines of how to get picky kids to eat and it worked beautifully with SD11 (between around 8-9 yrs old). As with kids with SED, it didn't do a darn thing for SD13. She will literally starve herself than eat most foods.

SO - I cook one meal only. I don't cook "special" for the pickiest person but I do cook at least ONE thing she will eat. If she doesn't want what we are eating, she must cook for herself. However, if DH is cooking he'll do the exact opposite.

I don't make them finish everything but SD11 is required to always at least try something new if she's never had it before. She is allowed to spit it out but she also needs to be able to explain why she doesn't like it (texture, flavor, too spicy, etc.). This helps me understand if I'll try it with her again. So far her only firm "no" items are potatoes (but I've had some good response from yams/sweet potatoes), fish (shellfish is good though) and milk products (lactose intolerant). Easy to deal with.

DH just went and bought a whole bunch of frozen meals, primarily for SD13 it turns out. Because she's 1) lazy and 2) loves processed food - so long as it's noodles, fish sticks, or cheese pizza.

I set my rules when I cook and that's all I can do. All other eating habits, food purchases for SDs, other meals like breakfast and lunch are on DH.

We try to semi-cater around their likes and dislikes when we're deciding what to make, but once it's Mae that's it. If they don't finish it that's fine, but it does get popped in the microwave. If they get hungry later then they get to finish dinner. lol. Basically a not snack policy unless you finish dinner.

Nope don't have to finish their plate, but if they are still hungry then I would direct them back to their plate. I wouldn't make them something else or let them have dessert if they didn't want or like what I cooked. Everyone has choices, unless they are allergic to the food, they can eat it. I would always tell the kids I'm not a short order cook. I make one meal and if you don't want it or like it, you don't have to eat it but that's all that is available. I have a hard time dealing with picky eaters

I won't ever force them to finish their plates.

HOWEVER - if they're still hungry, they can suck it up and eat what's served - or they can go hungry. It's not neglect... I've provided the food, they've just chosen not to eat it.

They learned real fast that they could skip the meal if they wanted... they thought they were so smart... except they got their plate, reheated, next meal. Rinse repeat.

I don't cater to kids who feel entitled to have what they want when they want it.

That said - it's not like I cook weird stuff. If it's the first time I make something, and I'm not sure whether they'll like it or not, I make it as part of the meal rather than AS the meal... and they ARE obligated to try it - one or two bites - if they like it, they get more... if they don't, I tend not to make it again... but there are very few things my kids don't like...

I've always told them they can be picky when they can buy their own groceries.

SS used to be a picky eater... used to make me savage... and used to ask for food 18 times a day, take a bite or two, then throw the rest out, asking for more food 10 minutes later.... I told DH I wasn't doing it anymore, but to knock himself out... that ss could have a snack at snack time, and meals at meal time... that school isn't going to baby him like dh does and give him what he wants when he wants, that his snacks are his snacks and that's that.... better get used to it...

Well then now that dh was the one that had to interrupt what he was doing every 10 minutes to give ss food he'd take 2 bites of and throw it out, dh curbed that behavior quickly enough.

now ss is ok - he eats what he's served, and when he's served it. No more of this "I'm hungry!" 18 times a day, take a bite from a cracker and a bit from a cheese slice, throw it in the garbage and ask for something else 10 minutes later... THAT was pure BS, and DH catered to it long enough.... no more.

My kids (SD15 / DS13 / DS13) eat what is on their plate or they don't eat, Period. There are certain things I will make that I don't give them because I know they don't like it (example: a certain asparagus recipe, they get plain asparagus).There are other little things they can do like scrape the topping off meatloaf because one of my boys hates ketchup. They do not, however, get to pick everything to pieces and eat what they want. In the 11 years I've been with DH, there has only been an actual "war" twice at dinner.

The skids are ridiculously picky and they do not have similar tastes. I realized long ago that I was not going to continue to make a separate meal for the kids, nor cater to their taste buds. I never forced the skids to eat. When DH and I first met, he told how much he thought the skids stepfather was a terrible person because he force fed SS once. At first, I felt bad for SS and DH, then I actually met SS and learned how he and his sister acted during meal time. I no longer had ill feelings towards their stepfather (now ex). I realized that DH and BM were the problems when it came to meal time. The skids (13 and 17) are still picky eater. SD17 now will occasionally eat vegetables, but usually it's only when I make a one-pot dish and the food is mixed together. SS13 usually walks to the grocery store for donuts or gets a pizza for himself when I'm cooking. We don't force them to eat, but they can't sit at the dinner table and reluctantly eat. They either sit and eat or just don't come to dinner.

I'm a little more understanding now that I have DS2. He used to be an awesome eater, then about half a year ago he has become more picky. He also wants to have all of his food separated. I believe it's a genetic thing as SD is like this, DH used to be, and DH's sister is too (and she's in her 30's!). So, I now generally serve foods separate to keep peace at dinner time. DS still eats a lot of what I serve as long as it's separate. For example, when he eats, I'll put mac and cheese, peas, and chicken on his plate, but in smaller portions than a full meal I'd know he'd eat. He loves mac and cheese, so he'll eat it first and ask for more, but he knows that he has to eat the peas and chicken on his plate too before getting more. So, he ends up eating everything in order to get more of what he wants. And, if he doesn't eat the things that he isn't too thrilled about, then I know he wasn't really hungry for more. It works out well and less food is wasted.

I never made them eat anything. But if there was a favorite food, only a small amount would be put on the plate. If they ate it and left other things on their plate, invariably they would ask for more of the favorite food. The response would be, you still have food on your plate . No further discussion. Nine times out of 10, they would finish it off . If not, they didn't starve.

There's no possible way to force my SD to eat something she doesn't want to eat. Her therapists have advised us to avoid turning eating into a power struggle. Most kids will eventually eat, but you don't want to deal with the ones who will starve themselves. (SD was in a residential treatment program this summer and refused to eat and drink to the point she was hospitalized for a suicide attempt).

My DH comes from a culture where you eat what's on your plate and are grateful for the food, so this isn't easy for him to deal with. But we let SD pretty much decide what she wants to eat and lately the only thing she wants to eat is Trader Joe's tomato soup. At least it's not difficult to fix.

Our family traveled quite a bit in a time when McD's was not so readily available in the world. (and I mean world.. asia, europe etc).

So, our family rule was you had to try a bite (real bite.. not nibble) of new foods. If you truly did not like something, you did not have to eat it and my parents were not in the habit of trying to force us to eat things we disliked. Now, that didn't mean that it wasn't part of some dinners... but we were not required to eat it at that point. My mother would not short order cook, but a PBJ could be substituted.

Our family traveled quite a bit in a time when McD's was not so readily available in the world. (and I mean world.. asia, europe etc).

So, our family rule was you had to try a bite (real bite.. not nibble) of new foods. If you truly did not like something, you did not have to eat it and my parents were not in the habit of trying to force us to eat things we disliked. Now, that didn't mean that it wasn't part of some dinners... but we were not required to eat it at that point. My mother would not short order cook, but a PBJ could be substituted.

This is kind of a hot button topic in my household. SD9 is allowed to get away with not eating something or eating a modified version of it, while DD4 always eats what she is served. We have a rule that they have to finish a certain amount if they want to have a small treat afterwards, but SD can get away with cutting corners on that rule as well (Disney dad's fault).