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Getting the cops involved

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 10/21/2009 - 9:29am

Have you or your partners ever had to do this before with BM? We didn't go this route. I feel that it could be very traumatizing to the kids, but on the other hand, you can't let BM walk all over you.

For those of you who've gone this route, how did it affect the kids? Do they not talk about it? How do they express their feelings on this? How has it affected your skids? Did they actually see BM get arrested?

My heart goes out to all kids who've been put in that situation.

Maybe skid/stepparent situations would be better if

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 10/01/2009 - 8:39pm

we adults presented it to the kids like this:

that they have more power than they think they do. They control themselves and how they react to the situation. No, they didn't get to choose that their parents get divorced, or us as stepparents. They didn't get to choose our kids as family members. They don't control what anyone says about their parents or stepparents, whether it's truth or lies.

I read the blog where the poster's two SSs refused to meet their half sister

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Sun, 09/20/2009 - 2:23pm

and the commentary beneath it.

That blog really struck me because of my own situation. As you know, my dad cheated on my mom with my stepmother. My parents got divorced for several reasons, but my dad's affair was the icing on the cake, so to speak.

SMJen and Brandy, you both made commentary that really stuck with me.

At what point do you hold the kids accountable?

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 08/14/2009 - 8:06pm

Unfortunately, a lot of our skids are suffering from PAS, mostly inflicted by BMs, sometimes even by biodads.

My SDs have been in counseling for 5 years. Thankfully, it seems to have really helped them. But when meeting with their counselor early on, I asked her, when do you start holding the kids accountable? Granted, it's the "grownups" putting this stuff in their heads, but it's coming out of their mouths, so shouldn't they have to take some responsibility too? Do you think that some of them are so severely PASed that they don't know better?

The article that BBB posted got me to thinking

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 07/22/2009 - 3:49pm

about my stepmother and how much the concepts in that article have occurred in my life, both as a SD and as a SM.

The part about sitting down to talk with the kids really hit home for me. I agree 110% with what the author said about parents helping the kids find healthy ways to vent their feelings. I think that if the bioparents in our situations did that, everyone, including the skids, would be better off. I also agree with what the author said about enforcing basic politeness and respect from the skids to the stepparent.

Do you ever think your skids can sense your feelings about them,

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Sun, 07/19/2009 - 12:56pm

Good or bad?

I am sure that when we had EOW visitation, they could tell when I wasn't too pleased with them. Because like Don Henley said, "kids have excellent bull***t detectors."

Do you ever think that your skids can sense your good or bad feelings about them? Do you think they can sense that you don't like them, even if you act nice to them? If so, how do you feel about it?

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