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Hastings's Blog

A vent… SS and the dog

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About three months ago, DH and I adopted a dachshund from a local rescue. He's an adorable, sweet, gentle (and admittedly overweight) little guy. SS12 adores him. Dog is mostly indifferent unless SS is eating. His previous owner was female (she died), so he latched on to me pretty fast.

And now… suspension

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So now SS12 is suspended from school for three days for fighting. DH got a call Tuesday night from the assistant principal, who told him there were two incidents and SS would have to face consequences. The next morning, DH got a call to pick him up and keep him home for three days.

SS had mentioned the first incident to a teacher and BM. Apparently, he walked into a bathroom and there was a fight going on, someone got shoved into him and he shoved back (caught on student's camera -- those aren't allowed in bathrooms, but anyway). He said it happened again early this week.

So sick of this — need advice

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We don't have a lot of rules in our house. Keep your room clean, take dishes to the sink, etc.

But one big one we have: SS12 is not allowed to have food or drink in his room. DH used to allow it, but SS wasn't responsible about bringing dishes back to the kitchen or throwing away wrappers. After an incident where the dog got into a jar of peanut butter (which SS left, open, in his room), DH shut it down.

Yet it continues.

“Sick” - Again!

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So in the last two months, SS12 has missed more than two weeks of school because he's throwing up. He has a history of trouble with acid reflux that causes him to spit up and he's back on the meds now. No fever. And, oddly enough, these episodes never happen on weekends or holidays. Isn't that interesting?

Also, he's chronically late with school work and now has all Cs and Ds (except music, where he has an A).

Ongoing school struggle

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The difficulties continue. This year was DH's turn to have SS11 for Thanksgiving. No school, of course. But DH made him get on his Chrome book and complete a few assignments that hadn't been submitted. A couple of in-class grades also popped up as zeros. DH asked if he'd even turned anything in. SS just shrugs.

So now he’s flunking…

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SS11 (nearly 12) is a smart kid. Very smart. In my experience, that can be good and bad.

This is his first year of middle school, which can be an adjustment. The school app has been driving DH nuts because he keeps getting notifications about late or missed assignments. Sometimes they were submitted and teacher hasn't graded yet, or they were done in class. No problem, but the app doesn't distinguish. DH keeps on SS about it. This is not new. It was happening last year, too.

He wants to live with BM

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Not a shock. DH has seen it coming.

So, SS11 is on BM's health insurance, so she lets DH know his half every quarter. She hasn't billed him in more than a year, despite DH asking. Today he talked to her and pushed her. She finally admitted SS has said he wants to live with her and they've been working on it. She's been holding off on billing him in case SS lives with her.

Major drama - more than the ear

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So I've written before that SS11 announced he's transgender. We don't think he is. The therapist he saw a couple of times doesn't think he is. We don't have a problem either way but we're not on board with hitting the gas pedal without real knowledge, research and professional support.

BM and her parents spoil him rotten (he got $1500 worth of stuff for "graduating" 5th grade last week) and treat him like the golden one.

No graduation for me

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After days of trying to get clarification, DH finally learned from BM that the graduation reminder card SS11 gave DH is the physical ticket and you can't get in without one. He gave his other three to BM and her parents. DH asked her and she said, no, she's not aware of him having any problems with me. He hasn't said anything. It's basically like I thought: he's closer to his grandparents and wants them both there.

I've been pretty detached and "whatever" about all of it. I hate graduations so it's not like I feel deprived. I'll just work instead.

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