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I need to keep SS15 away from my mother's home

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Submitted by Love51 on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 4:28pm

When I think about my relationship with my FDH, the weakest link in our relationship it is without a doubt SS15 with aspergers. It is the one area we have trouble communicating about, I think my FDH has some denial or trouble accepting it. I also think he tries to forget about it, he focuses on our relationship so much that sometimes I even forget about SS. Let’s face it, in someways I would like to forget about him and FDH makes it easy to. He makes sure we have our own adult time and special experience without SS.

Father's Day/Weekend irritation

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Submitted by Love51 on Tue, 06/18/2013 - 1:31pm

I don't have any kids of my own, just a SS15 that I am not a fan of. Friday was our date night, FDH asked SS if he wanted to come with us, thankfully he said no. But what the hell was he thinking to invite SS along, just because its two days before father's day.
Then Saturday was the father's day BBQ for F-I-L and all the sons. So I had to spend the whole day with them and SS. The bbq was on Saturday because FDH's brother works on Sundays.

Something has changed, not my child, not my problem

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Submitted by Love51 on Tue, 06/11/2013 - 6:12pm

Something changed, I can't say exactly when. I just noticed I stopped caring about SS15. If I cared, I would feel bad for doing so. But, I just don't. Some good things have happened, FDH put his foot down and now SS is spending EOW with his mom. It has made all the difference in the world with our relationship. We live for those weekends, we go out of town or spend the day in bed together. It doesn’t matter as long as it’s just us and he is out of our hair. Then the weekends we do have him, I just ignore him. If I have to deal with him, it’s at a minimum. I am so much happier.

I just want somewhere in the middle

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Submitted by Love51 on Wed, 05/01/2013 - 6:23pm

I felt like I was being tested yesterday. SO and I had another conversation about SS14, he had yet another talk with him about his behavior. As always it leads to a conversation about how SS effects our relationship, how I feel like I am in limbo while SS gets his act together and I need to know where I stand. I also was able to share more experiences with SS that are inappropriate and downright weird/creepy. We have had him full time since 11/30/12.
Then SO said, "if you want me to send me back to his mom, I will. You are too important to me and I won’t lose you over him."

Well, it's about time!

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Submitted by Love51 on Tue, 04/09/2013 - 12:04pm

November 30, 2012 is the last time SS14 spent the night with his BM. I will never forget that night, he ran away from her home and FDH was out all night looking for him. Since then he has refused to go back with her. Then out of the clear blue sky on Sunday afternoon BM picks up SS for a haircut, then he calls to say he is spending the night! and then again last night! He has been gone for two nights!!! My FDH is a different person when SS isn’t around, he laughs more and is more relaxed as dealing with SS's emotional issues and development delays is so stressful.

Relationship goals and step kids

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Submitted by Love51 on Mon, 04/01/2013 - 12:13pm

"Do not become possessive. The purpose of a relationship is to complement each other, grow together, and achieve your common goals as a couple. At the same time, you must each maintain your individual identity as a human being."

An old class mate of mine posted this on facebook a couple of days ago and it got me thinking. Not so much the possessive or identity parts, but the second part, the part about a common goal as a couple.
What are your common goals as a couple with your SO? How is that effected by your step kids?

Smells like rotten food

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Submitted by Love51 on Fri, 03/22/2013 - 12:28pm

I came home yesterday, something was off. I noticed all the windows were open, fans were on. I walked by SS14’s side of the house, his room which is right off the living room which he has also claimed for himself.

Me: I hate to say this, but something smells, do you smell that?
FDH: Hmmm?
Me: No, really. I don’t know what it is, like rotten food.
FDH: I was thinking maybe there was a dead animal outside. (serious)
Me: No, it’s inside. I hate to ask this but does SS14 wet the bed? It might even smell strongly of urine.
FDH: Maybe, I don’t know.

An answered prayer, follow up to treading on water

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Submitted by Love51 on Tue, 03/12/2013 - 4:44pm

So my FDH just texted me after meeting with the school district psychologist. I prayed so hard on this, the district recommends SS14 go to a school for students with special needs- learning disabilities with emotional problems.
All along I have been saying he needed to be tested for Aspergers but no one wanted to believe me. The school recommended specialised in children with Asbergers! Oh really now!!!

I feel like I’m treading water

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Submitted by Love51 on Tue, 03/12/2013 - 12:10pm

I had a total break down on Saturday with my FDH about SS14. I was holding so much inside, I cried, I sobbed. I haven't cried that hard in 10 years.
FDH was so attentive. He understood, he sympathized, he thanked me for the sacrifices I make every day in order for us to be together. That's not the problem.
Today is the psychological evaluation results meeting at SS14's school. So much is riding on this and everyone will be there: FDH, SS14, MIL, FIL, BM. I won't be there, I wasn’t invited.

SS14 trying to mark his territory, yeah right.

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Submitted by Love51 on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 3:30pm

I was home alone with SS14 last night. The second FDH leaves, this kid totally changes and it’s a constant struggle for me as I have to let him know he isn’t running the show. So after I had to be on him to complete the tasks his dad instructed him to do he finishes, walks towards OUR bedroom and says "I’m going in here, me and my dad's private lair". Are you kidding me? That's my room! I just finished redecorating and buying all new bedding! And he is going to tell me the room belongs to him and his dad! This kid is almost 15 years old! (yes, socially delayed).

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