TheOtherMom's Blog

How Do I Help SS9 Heal?

Our house has been quiet lately.

BM has not called very much or when she does it is quiet.

I know her enough by now that it's the calm before the storm. I used to fear this "calm" but now I enjoy it as much as I can.

She generally picks fights with DH around the 7th of the month (probably hormones!).

More importantly, she has been caught up with her youngest child so she has pushed skids to the side emotionally. She told DH in a text that she was "too busy to talk to SS11 and didn't feel she could DEAL with SS9." What is there for her to deal with?

Name Change

After 5 years, I finally changed my last name to the same as DH.

First off, we lasted longer than my ex husband and I and he and his ex wife so that's a good starting point. Hey! I wanted to make sure I didn't marry Liz Taylor.
Second, having a different last name to the skids often lands me in the dirt with doctors and the school.
Third, and this is why I am blogging ... BM refuses to change her last name and it is the same as the DH. It's just a name right?
Yeah whatever.

BM is So Powerful

During my morning self medication process (a cup of coffee on the patio), I reflected:
I am so at peace when BM doesn't call. I know it's bad for the boys but damn it, I don't feel irritation, DH is happy and the household is just ... loving.
It's Pavlovian - her ringtone changes the mood. Even the kids change.
I wondered if its our reactions that make the kids change but I don't think so. Even when we are in different rooms, the boys get tense.

Again ...

I am posting twice today.

I am not avoiding work. I am waiting for something and Step Talk keeps me informed ... and I hate to say it, entertained. Just when I think my life sucks I come here for some Perspective.

I am thinking about how things have changed in 3 years. I first came here in 2006. I blogged once a week at most. I wasn't angry or anything. 2007, same. 2008, even less. 2009 ... holy cow. Blog Hog!

Where is the Justice?

One of the guys who works for me is 44.
He has a teenage son.
His son is in the foster care system for Pennsylvania state.
When his son was 4 months old, his ex girlfriend moved there with the child. He came home from work and they were gone.
He tried to contact her and eventually she responded with "All I ever wanted from you was a child."
Classic Baby Doll Syndrome.
So for the past 14 years he has been saving up what he thought he should pay her for child support that she refused and I think he could afford to send this kid to Harvard.

Why We Should Blog .... Freely

I am not really new here. BM found me here (SS told her my screen name) and she used my blog against me in court saying I was hateful. Luckily, the judge was a stepmom herself and said she was sympathetic and my blogs weren't too derogatory - clearly the signs of frustration.

At the end of it the court, the judge also said that slander and defamation are something you can be held liable for but if we don't use names, it's just exercising freedom of speech.

One more great thing about being American I would say.

Read more about Why We Should Blog .... Freely
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